Watch out Doctor Strange, a Surrey condo rental listing is attempting to claim your throne of madness.
The listing was shared by a Daily Hive reader, and while it starts off like a pretty average craigslist rental post, it quickly turns into something hard to put into words.
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Available July 1, the condo in question is a two-bedroom in South Surrey at Harvard Gardens. It features 887 sq ft of space, and honestly looks quite beautiful for $2,400 per month. Utilities average about $70 to $120 according to the listing.
It isn’t clear if the pictures are from the unit in question or from other units in the building.
The building features a media room, a game room with its own ping-pong table, a billiard table and a heated outdoor swimming pool.
It’s also close to transit and many shops and restaurants.
After the person who wrote the listing describes all of the luxuries that the “intriguing” building and community have to offer, the tone gets increasingly strange.
The unit is suitable for a single person “with a professional career” or a legally married couple without child or with “only one child.”
Personal or combined family income must exceed $84,000 per year, or $7,000 per month. The potential renter must have been with their place of work for at least two years or more.
Non-smokers only. The listing specifically states that no cannabis, crack cocaine, heroine, crystal meth nor fentanyl is allowed.
It also explicitly states “NO pot parties,” “no excessive drinking of alcoholic beverage,” and that the renter follows a discreet and healthy lifestyle.
Things start to get even more weird when it comes to pets.
No pets are common in Metro Vancouver listings, but this listing states the renter can’t even have fish.
This is awkward
The last half of the listing is a strange philosophical rant.
“Do you have unlimited time LIVING on earth? Nobody does. You can only live ONCE.”
The person who wrote the listing goes on to talk about blessings in the world that money “can NOT buy.” Clearly this apartment isn’t one of those blessings at $2,400.
It continues that the condo is for “humble, hard-working, disciplined and productive people who appreciate the daily essence of life.”
“How much does the quality of your life WORTH? Make the efforts to find JOY in life. You won’t regret it.”
For anyone who feels cynical about the post “and lack humility and obedience,” the listing states to keep your opinion and preferences to yourself “and look elsewhere for your housing needs.”