Toronto Star columnist criticized for victim-blaming domestic violence piece

A Toronto Star advice columnist drew widespread criticism Wednesday after penning a piece suggesting a letter-writer brought death threats at gunpoint upon themselves by cheating on their boyfriend.

The piece, by longstanding columnist Ellie Tesher of Ask Ellie, tackles a letter from a reader who says their boyfriend won’t forgive them for cheating. The boyfriend has apparently threatened to kill the individual multiple times, including while pointing a gun towards them.

In her response, Tesher first advises the reader to get to a police station and protect themselves. But in the latter half of the column, she suggests the letter-writer is to blame for the situation.

“Your own careless cheating throughout what you called ‘a relationship’ was deplorable, and led to this frightening situation,” Ellie writes.

“Wherever you got the idea that you could play loose and careless with a relationship ‘partner’s’ pride and emotions, recognize the danger in which you’ve placed yourself.”

EllieAdvice.com

EllieAdvice.com

Hilla Kerner, a frontline worker with Vancouver Rape Releif and Women’s Shelter, characterized the column as “appalling.”

“[It] reveals that we as a society haven’t come very far in terms of victim blaming when it comes to male violence against women. One can have whatever judgement they have about people cheating on their romantic partners, this can not justify threatening and terrorizing women. And that what the columnist should have said.”

Others who read the column took to Twitter to point out its flaws.

“Uhhh, Ask Ellie at the Toronto Star just said a woman who had her boyfriend repeatedly point a gun at her and threaten to murder her, essentially, deserved it??” user @matttomic wrote.

Uhhh, Ask Ellie at the Toronto Star just said a woman who had her boyfriend repeatedly point a gun at her and threaten to murder her, essentially, deserved it?? pic.twitter.com/4HMZybH42v

— ℳatt (@matttomic) August 24, 2022

Others on Reddit called for the columnist to leave her position.

“Not her first garbage take but hopefully her last,” one user wrote.

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Toronto Star issued an apology over the column Wednesday morning, saying it didn’t reflect the newspaper’s editorial standards.

“The Toronto Star has deleted a tweet of an advice column that inappropriately suggested a letter-writer shared the blame for her abuse,” a tweet from the Star read. “We regret that the article was published and shared in its original form.”

The Toronto Star has deleted a tweet of an advice column that inappropriately suggested a letter-writer shared the blame for her abuse. The content did not reflect our editorial standards. We regret that the article was published and shared in its original form.

— Toronto Star (@TorontoStar) August 24, 2022

The Star deleted sections of the column suggesting the letter-writer was to blame, but as of Wednesday afternoon the original version was still visible on Tesher’s personal website.