Opinion: Pink Shirt Day holds little meaning when my kids are bullied

Bright shirts raise awareness and funds, but kids are missing the message on Pink Shirt Day.

I have two children in BC’s public elementary school system. One is bright, funny, and was recently diagnosed with ADHD. The other is kind, calm, and curious. Both are boys of colour; my husband, a Canadian, is originally from the Dominican Republic.

Both children experience isolation and bullying at school. Wearing pink shirts in February holds little meaning for them.

Rachel Thexton/Submitted

Pink Shirt Day is an excellent concept for a vital cause that I support wholeheartedly. I’m confident that this February day has both increased awareness for unspeakable bullying taking place in BC schools and has raised funds for organizations that make a difference. I am confident that everyone involved has the best intentions.

The message behind Pink Shirt Day is not getting through to kids

At our Greater Vancouver elementary school, children of all ages will join an assembly to hear about how bullying affects others. They may watch a video. My six-year-old and his Grade 1 peers will sit in the same room, receiving the same message as 12-year-old students.

This is a lost opportunity to bring student groups together, based on age, for learning and activities with someone who inspires them. It’s then vital for anti-bullying programming to continue throughout the school year. Kids don’t learn in one day.

Instead, once the day concludes, pink shirts fall into the shadows of the other 189 school days, when children wear blue and grey and carry hurt feelings and anxiety.

Our schools remain full of children who isolate others, say unkind words, and physically hurt peers. Unless someone is severely harmed by a bully, repercussions seem minimal.

It’s not a one-way street. If my child is bullying another, I want to know about it, and I want my child to see and understand the pain he or she has caused another.

If adults are emphasizing the harms of bullying and allocating a day to minimize its harms, do students not deserve the complete walk and not just the talk?

This year, I will not set out pink T-shirts with enthusiasm as I have lost confidence that this day matters to those who need it most: the kids.

We need to reach kids on their level

Children understand what bullying is and that it is wrong, but we must reach them on a level where they are motivated to change their behaviour.

I have struggled with my children’s school over details such as a lack of adequate and appropriate supervision on the schoolyard, where my six-year-old has been disciplined by his peers on multiple occasions due to an adult’s absence. The details are upsetting.

Whatever measurements used and budget decisions made by municipalities and the Ministry of Education, we often see a low adult-to-child ratio during onsite school breaks, also allowing young children easy access to play beside much older students. This is not working. Children are often not in age-appropriate environments, learning words and actions far above their maturity levels, contributing to hurtful behaviours towards others.

My child’s snack box, filled with his favourite foods, often comes back full. I worry constantly.

Can we finally start to focus on BC children with ADHD who continue to fall through the cracks while struggling to make friends, experiencing bullying, and struggling with not one adult at school trained to support these students?

The Canadian Mental Health Association estimates that 5% of school-aged children are affected by ADHD, but this number is certainly higher, especially with young girls constantly under-diagnosed and due to long waits for medical diagnosis. At its lowest, at least 13 students in a small 260-student school have ADHD. Many struggle, despite the teachers’ best intentions.

What about a basic change regarding diversity that I hope most would support?

Can racist words come with a zero-tolerance policy in our schools so that my 10-year-old son and other children of colour experience less racism where they learn?

Rachel Thexton/Submitted

Students recently asked my older son if they could “get a pass” to say a word that represents historical violence and oppression against people of colour.

When we read headlines about youth seeking drugs, can we mobilize to implement prevention tactics to support our hurting kids instead of debating over harm reduction and safe supply?

We are missing the starting point: ensuring that children are adequately supported at school, a place where they spend much of their time. Teachers and parents must work together, with increased funding, to help children develop healthy minds and hearts.

We are unintentionally hurting our children, and with bright-coloured T-shirts shining for one day annually, we cannot see that the reality is far from rosy for many BC school children.