Earlier this month, we invited Daily Hive Vancouver readers who identify as LGBT to submit their own ‘coming out’ stories as a way of empowering and inspiring others who may be struggling with their own sexuality.
The second of our reader-submitted coming out stories during Vancouver Pride Week 2016 details an asexual coming out experience.
I never officially “came out” as heteromantic asexual. I don’t think I ever had to, as anyone who knew me at all knew I had no interest in sex and never got all hormonal over boys. “I just don’t get what the big deal is” is a sentence I frequently used when I was a teenager. Everyone knew I liked boys though, and some of my friends were mystified as to why I never got jealous when I’d see my crush kissing his girlfriend. It was simply because I had no desire to kiss him, and I explained this to them.
“Do you want a boyfriend? Do you ever get lonely? Are you interested in relationships?” I always answered honestly with a casual “no” and a shake of my head. Not only do I not want sex, I also have no desire for a romantic relationship at all (but I can feel emotional attraction.)
I was 18/19-ish when I told my closest friends and my parents that “I’m just not interested in sex. I just don’t want it. I can fall in love with guys but I don’t even want to kiss them.” And that was that. They were hardly surprised. I never even explicitly used the word “asexual” until later.
Labels come with stereotypes, assumptions, and questions. It is a big responsibility to carry a label, especially openly. I don’t even fit in with most asexuals because many enjoy kissing, many emotionally crave a romantic relationship, many even are willing to have sex, and some even enjoy it. I think many of them even watch porn and masturbate and have normal libidos. I’m just as mystified by asexuals as “sexuals” are! Eventually I casually threw the word into conversation with a few friends and my parents.
I had to explain to my mom and dad what that meant. They didn’t care. Yes, this is a very boring coming out story.
I have no interest though in “coming out” to anyone. I just don’t see why anyone needs to know, aside from my parents and close friends. If anyone specifically asks, I’ll be honest. If they have questions, I won’t answer them. I’m not a spokesperson for asexuals. We practically have zero representation in the media. Sheldon Cooper, Sherlock Holmes, and maybe Jughead and Charlie Weasley (all male) are the only ones I can think of. I’m not surprised though: In this sex-obsessed world, why would we care about people who don’t even want sex? People who don’t make potential romantic partners?
Coming out to myself was difficult though. This is my norm, but I’m not always okay with it. I grew up in a broken home and as a child I wanted to get married and have children so I could have a second chance at being a part of a happy family. The odds of this happening are *horribly* low.