Woman's account of GTA creep goes viral as example of how not to act on dating sites
There is no denying that the world of dating apps in a city like Toronto (and really, in general) is an absolute hellscape, and most of us have at least a few stories of a cringeworthy profile, lame pickup line, or dreadful first date.
As much as one may think that the rules of online dating etiquette are pretty common sense, the city is full of people unafraid to come across — or just somehow unaware that they come across — as completely off-putting.
This was apparently the case with one Mississauga man who has become the author of his own misfortune in the casual dating scene after being outed as a pushy weirdo on social media this week.
In an attempt to pursue a woman we can safely assume did not match with him on Bumble, the individual decided to find her on social media instead and explain in great detail why she should give him a chance.
But, his efforts backfired when the target of his affection shared the story on Twitter with a PSA asking men to never act the same way.
I am so fucking angry right now. STOP finding women you see on dating apps on their personal social media profiles, ESPECIALLY if you haven’t connected and there are ZERO identifiers in their profiles. I got these and let my curiosity get the better of me. VIDEOS IN REPLIES. pic.twitter.com/9ouGehAqFS
— post rut clarity🌻 (@quelsee) June 16, 2023
“STOP finding women you see on dating apps on their personal social media profiles, ESPECIALLY if you haven’t connected and there are ZERO identifiers in their profiles,” the woman wrote along with a series of screenshots of a Facebook Messenger conversation that includes embarrassingly long and unprompted voice notes from the man in question.
After a brief and already strange intro, the guy proceeds to send many minutes of voice recordings about how great the woman’s Bumble profile was, how much they have in common, and a lot about himself, too, though the fact that the two didn’t match or talk on the dating app should have been the first very obvious indication that she was not interested.
“I fully accept how fucking weird this is. I’m sorry, but like I said, I think if you give me a second, you’ll probably end up laughing,” he starts off in his monologue, which strategically uses self-deprecating jokes mixed with narcissistic ramblings and even insults about attractive women, presumably to make his target feel like she’s “not like other girls.”
I feel like he used so many “feminine” things to try to lore you into this weird fantastical world. He‘a like “ sorry if you feel intruded on I have female friends” like he’s not sorry about shit…he is coming off obsessive, narcissistic and it’s frightening.
— PUNKY™️ (@PUNKYTHESINGER) June 18, 2023
The messages are too long to fully transcribe here but have a number of mortifying Patrick Bateman-esque points and lines, like him saying he “has big feet, you can see what that means babydoll,” that he goes to therapy, and that he does 80-second side planks and makes $6,000 a month though he “isn’t trying to impress [her] with money.”
He also calls himself humble, emotionally intelligent, and “pretty damn handsome” when reflecting on what she would want to know about him (after she very much did not ask about him), calling her by the nickname “Kels” despite her only ever saying “Sorry, do I know you?” and “Explain away” to him.
Over ELEVEN MINUTES OF TALKING TO A STRANGER???????? That you DID NOT MATCH W????? https://t.co/vlmgH125Si
— little miss “she never misses!” (@tajiareed) June 18, 2023
The anecdote is not one of murder, violence, extortion, or other more serious things that have happened when strangers have met on an app, but it is still an example of unwelcome, creepy behaviour that is clearly resonating with many who are jumping in to say how terrifying and gross the encounter felt to read and listen to.
As one person commented, “Not stalking people you find on dating apps who you didn’t even match with is a pretty basic rule I’d say. Yikess.”
“This whole thing is like the perfect example of what not to do and what not to say to somebody, it’s absolutely unbelievable,” another added.
In less than four days, the original tweet from the woman has garnered a whopping 21.3 million views, upwards of 70,000 likes, 7,000 quote tweets, 5,000 retweets, and seemingly endless comments, some of them from women who have, quite concerningly, actually had the exact same man come on to them in the exact same way.
UPDATE #3:
Shared with permission. This encounter with Ryan happened in November 2021 and can be seen here.
If there are any other women who have been approached by this man, please DM me. Don’t reply here, this thread is muted, but my DMs are open. pic.twitter.com/Iv2hKiuP4S
— post rut clarity🌻 (@quelsee) June 18, 2023
Multiple people from the Toronto area have, in the wake of the viral posts, come forward to say that the man has used identical lines and tactics on them in the past, and has been finding girls on social media and sending them lengthy, unwanted messages (after not matching with them on a dating app) for many years.
“Women with stories about Ryan Andrews continue to reach out, some of whose stories I’ve shared in the thread with permission, others who prefer to remain private. I never expected this to be more than another complain-about-men tweet, but there’s no putting this back in the box,” the original poster wrote in an update yesterday.
“I am just a girl who was angry her privacy was violated by a man and tweeted about it. I did not expect this, but I’m glad we all know now.”
For anyone patient enough to listen to the voice notes and read the full story in the tweet thread, they really are a stunning example of how to blacklist yourself from ever dating again.
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