Talking lakes are no longer material from nightmares or legends of Poseidon. The largest of the Great Lakes has apparently become self-aware and now communicates with humans through its own Twitter account.
The self-described G.L.O.A.T. (greatest lake of all time), Lake Superior is now sharing its thoughts through Twitter with the hilariously clever @LakeSuperior account.
The 82,000-square-kilometre Lake Superior uses she/her pronouns and is known for her water-related puns like #BigBeautifulWater, a riff on the body-positive #BBW hashtag.
Once I reach 14 billion Patrons at $3 I will buy Twitter for $44 billion dollars and rename it to Wetter®.
— Lake Superior (@LakeSuperior) October 19, 2022
The account is a combination of jokes, critical information about Lake Superior (hello, alarming salt levels), and retweets from all of her devoted fans.
Bumper stickers are here!
My minions will be shipping ‘em all weekend long.
There’s still time to get yours! https://t.co/Up3Cfmq9d9
Stay hydrated my friends.
— Lake Superior (@LakeSuperior) December 16, 2022
The lake is also selling her own bumper stickers, with provocative messages like “Lake Superior Got Me Wet,” and even went live on the infamous Christmas storm providing followers with the sounds of her angry waves falling and crashing.
— Lake Superior (@LakeSuperior) December 23, 2022
“Swoosh plip bulge burble pitter splash blup, shuh shuh?” was the fitting name for that live Twitter Space, because, of course it was.
Humans always ask “How does a lake Tweet?”
Pretty sure I use the same technology as you. pic.twitter.com/tXmuIOvG0u
— Lake Superior (@LakeSuperior) July 21, 2022
The lake, which is located between Ontario, Wisconsin, Minnesota, and Michigan, often responds to her followers, throwing some slight nautical shade their way.
Take, for example, this tweet from December 21 where Lake Superior hailed the forecast of “thirty-footer” waves.
This impending storm better be as good as they say it is. I’m going for thirty footers.
— Lake Superior (@LakeSuperior) December 21, 2022
When told to not be an overachiever, Superior sassily responded with, “Sweetheart, I crossed that line a loooooonnggg time ago.”
Another instance shows a follower asking Superior how high her waves were during a recent storm. She responded with “somewhere between Cypress Hill and Snoop Dogg.”
The lake is not only shouting out hip-hop royalty. She’s also getting noticed.
Lake Superior is so iconic that the one-and-only Flavor Flav responded to her answer, saying, “those some Flavor Flav waves y’all got there!”
Those some Flavor Flav waves y’all got there!!!
— FLAVOR FLAV (@FlavorFlav) December 24, 2022
Being the savvy-business woman she is, Lake Superior also has her very own Patreon account that rakes in around $170 a month, thanks to her 38 patrons.
But it’s not just the jokes, Lake Superior also makes sure to pepper in some important content like the state of Buffalo Reef, a 2,200-acre natural cobble feature that needs environmental protections.
I’m so ready to freeze over.
— Lake Superior (@LakeSuperior) December 5, 2022
We applaud Lake Superior’s humorous personification. Why else would almost 250,000 people (and counting) follow her account?
Here’s hoping Lake Ontario takes a hint and starts tweeting about annoying Toronto Island party-goers, goose crap, and entirely too many cormorants.