Down 3-0 in their series against the Cleveland Cavaliers, it’s not looking good for the Toronto Raptors. No team has ever come back from a three-game deficit, and trying to do it against LeBron James?
Well, it’s just not possible.
OR IS IT?
It’s time to think outside of the box, people. The Raptors can do this.
Here’s the four-step process, beginning with Game 4 tonight.
Game 4: LeBron slips and falls, hurting both ankles… and both wrists
Look, I don’t want anyone to get seriously hurt.
But if something were to happen to LeBron by accident, that would sure help the cause, wouldn’t it?
Maybe Drake travels to Cleveland. Maybe he gets a little sloppy on the sidelines. Maybe he spills his drink. Maybe LeBron slips.
I don’t know.
Game 5: Drake takes LeBron on an all-night bender
With LeBron out of the lineup for Game 4, the Raptors win and extend the series.
Heading back to Toronto for Game 5, Drake extends an olive branch to King James. Drake’s a diehard Raptors fan, but he’s not a mean guy. He felt bad about causing LeBron to be injured.
So he asks LeBron to hang out the night before Game 5. LeBron accepts his apology, and they hit it off.
Still feeling confident with a 3-1 series lead, LeBron goes on an all-night bender with Drake in the 6ix.
Hungover and still reeling from the unfortunate slip and fall from Game 4, LeBron isn’t himself and the Raptors win again.
Game 6: Bribe the refs
Having lost two in a row, the Cavs aren’t going to fall for any dirty tricks in Game 6 back in Cleveland.
Security is heightened, and Drake isn’t even allowed in the building. LeBron got a good night’s sleep and he’s feeling healthy again.
So what do you do?
Bribe the refs.
I know this seems crazy, but it’s been done before. Find the second coming of Tim Donaghy and make him an offer that he can’t refuse.
It’s time to go back to Game 7 in Toronto.
Game 7: Arrest him
Ok Toronto Police Department, it’s time to do your job.
LeBron needs to be put behind bars.
He doesn’t have a criminal record, so finding a reason might be challenging, but that doesn’t mean you can’t dig up some dirt on his past.
Has he ever urinated in public? He must have littered at some point.
He wastes chalk all the time.
Something unlawful must of happened during his all-night bender with Drake. There’s got to be video of that, right?
Failing that, invent a new law.