Sex in Vancity: Making love vs having sex

Dec 19 2017, 7:24 am

Dear Chelsea,

What are your thought on the phrase ‘making love’? Do you ever ask someone to make love to you and is it possible to ‘make love’ anally? My girlfriend says no, as it’s a more submissive act, and raunchy. Great blog, thanks!


Seeking love making clarification

Dear S.L.M.C,

Firstly thank you for your question; I’m not sure I’ve seen or heard the words ‘making love’ in relation to my own sex life but I am more than happy to tackle this terminology.

The dictionary really says it all; making love is defined as “sexual activities (often including sexual intercourse) between two people.” This prompted me to ponder the difference between that definition and that of your average one night stand.

When it comes to sex, certain words do carry different meanings and although you may use the term ‘love making’ in a casual sense, many people consider the term to be serious and use it with caution. The fact of the matter is you can have sex whether you are in love, in lust or in dire need of some action. In most cases we refer to intercourse as sex – basic, sometimes good, sometimes great and sometimes terrible-sex. So when does sex become love making and when is it ok to throw such a term around in the bedroom? Love is not a simple or casual word in my mind; use it if you mean it.

Have I ever asked someone to make love?

No, I have never. It seems like a lot to ask. . .I think asking someone to get me off is enough pressure. I have also never been asked to ‘make love’ because in most cases the love has already been conjured up before sex has a hand in creating it. But let’s just say you are madly in love and feel comfortable using the term, it would be OK and relevant to use it. The only time you should be making love is when you are in love, in all other cases I prefer people be honest and state they are having sex, getting off, getting it on or anything else that defines the act rather than the feelings associated.

Can you make love anally?

If you can make love vaginally, you best believe your anus is capable. Any gay man who has engaged in anal sex while in love would tell you that your reference to it being ‘submissive’ or ‘raunchy’ is based on a specific kind or type of anal sex. I can be head over heels in love yet have raunchy sex; I can be in lust and have emotional and passionate sex- it all depends on the situation at hand.

I prefer to steer clear of confusing sexual terminology; it makes sex more enjoyable and less complex. Sex is sex, love is love, a vagina is a vagina- why throw around terms you don’t actually mean in a literal sense. I hope I offered you the clarification you were seeking.


Lacking Love Making


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