Santa Claus Rally in Full Effect

Dec 19 2017, 3:45 am

Forget the recent turmoil in the markets and the buffoonery of capitalist boomers who witnessed their savings get obliterated and their posh 4 bedroom cottages seized. Why, because jolly old Saint Nick has called his buddies on Bay Street and Wall Street (see left) and told them to buy, buy, buy! “Global growth is back on track fuckers,” said Santa. I know, I too was shocked by the vulgarity. Just know, it had to be done that way to persuade imbecile hedge fund managers.

Apparently stupid investors were persuaded by the fat man and are now betting on the resurgence of the American consumer and global growth due to the recent infrastructure announcements. Thus, Christmas is saved as Santa has commanded the traders on the floor to take risks and bid up stock prices. So get in on some of the shipping action via DRYS and EXM. I intend to fully exploit the asshattery and further increase my tiny fortune.

Note: If you buy any stocks based on my calculations you may lose money and end up sleeping at your local church in the foreseeable future.