The Momentum Theory: How moving too slowly kills your dating life

Are your first dates going nowhere? Maybe it’s time to look into the Momentum Theory of dating.

According to Erica Leigh Gordon, a dating expert and founder of The Babe Report, the Momentum Theory says that your first few dates with a potential suitor should be in close succession to each other.

“Keep the momentum going strong because not only will this mentality better your chances with [your date], but it is also the best way to truly get to know someone and to keep someone thinking highly of you,” said Gordon.

So, if you had a great first date and want to keep exploring a connection, here’s what you should do:

Momentum Theory dating tip #1

Photo by Jennifer Lim-Tamkican on Unsplash

Don’t wait too long to plan your next date.

“A slow progression or intermittent lulls of no contact in between dates can potentially kill your chances with someone,” said Gordon.

Gordon also warns that while going slow is fine, keep in mind that moving too slowly can have adverse effects. She recommends keeping the momentum going from the beginning by checking in with your date.

Momentum Theory dating tip #2

Photo by Priscilla Du Preez on Unsplash

Create a sense of urgency

Let’s be honest. Sometimes, the dating scene can be chill. So, by intentionally creating a sense of urgency and applying the same drive and determination to your dating life as you do to your career, you could put yourself in a much better position.

“A ‘sense of urgency’ when applied to dating means that you act with the realization that progressing the relationship forward is vital to the success of that relationship,” said Gordon.

“Rather than assuming no effort is needed to keep someone interested, instead we should assume the opposite: That not being on the ball can result in you getting kicked off the court.”

So, don’t drop the ball by waiting all week to reach out, especially when the ball’s in your court.

Momentum Theory dating tip #3

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Schedule first dates close together

Get out those Google Calendars, agendas, and ICals because keeping dates spaced close together in your calendar keeps the momentum going.

“It’s best to actually plan the next date at the end of your current date,” said Gordon.

“Keep in mind that the second date should not take place more than two weeks after the first date. If the first date went exceptionally well, the best thing you can do is lock in a second date soon after. The following dates should all be spaced as close together as possible,” said Gordon.

Keeping the momentum going is crucial because Gordon says that those initial butterflies you feel can lose their effect over time.

“The chemistry we feel on a first date needs to be maintained with a second date, third date, fourth date and fifth date in close succession,” said Gordon.

Momentum Theory dating tip #4

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Take initiative and lock down your next date

Respect your date’s time and calendar by asking if they’re free at least a week in advance.

“Giving someone a week’s notice means they can likely save that evening for you. This is much more effective than the lazy courtship where you passively wait until the weekend rolls around – only to find out [they] already have plans.”

Momentum Theory dating tip #5

Photo by Giorgio Trovato on Unsplash

Maintain momentum over text

How do you keep the momentum going? In this digital age, mostly over text.

“Sending a text message every few days checking in and saying hello is a great way to keep the momentum going, thus keeping a prospect interested in between dates,” said Gordon.

“Similar to how waiting longer too long to lock in your next date is detrimental, waiting too long in between text messages can damage the relationship, too.”

According to Gordon, the goal isn’t to move fast. Rather, it’s to not move too slowly.

“The standard rule is that going longer than five to seven days without texting someone you are interested in will send the wrong message and raise a bright red flag,” said Gordon.

The same rules apply if you’ve connected with someone on a dating app.

“When it comes to online dating, usually if momentum is lost, it is quite hard to regain,” said Gordon.

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Will you try the Momentum Theory out in your dating life?

Editor’s note: this article was originally published in 2014.