It’s officially the holiday season.
The time for good cheer, eggnog, and yes, sloppy kissing under the mistletoe. And while the holidays are the perfect time for warm fuzzies and good feelings, if you’re in a relationship, it’s easy for you to go overboard in the soft glow of your love and end up becoming that annoying couple during the holidays.
Look, we’re happy you’re in love! But please don’t make us total haters: Refrain from the following nine cardinal sins and you’ll still have friends in the new year.
Thou shalt not…
1. Show up at a party wear matching outfits
It’s cute when you’re five and your parents make you and your sister wear the same outfit. But when you grow up, you have to shelve the desire to completely merge with your bae. If you find yourself shopping and thinking, “Awww, cute, I’ll just get two!” it’s time for you to take a step back. To be completely safe, you should avoid coordinating your outfits at all. His tie really does not need to match your shoes. And no, matching ugly Christmas sweaters are not an exception.
2. Start every conversation with, “We think…” rather than “I…”
“We” don’t think anything. You think. When you start tossing the “we” word around at parties, it sounds as if you have undergone a permanent Vulcan mind-meld. Keep your pronouns in the singular an avoid being a cult of two, thank you very much. Otherwise, maybe you’ll both be uninvited from the next holiday shindig.
3. Finger feed each other publicly
While it’s fun to get all messy with your food in private, public feeding is for petting zoos only. Keep your fingers in your own orifices in public, please. We don’t care if it’s Sugarfina’s exclusive Hello Kitty candy collection. It’s not cute.
4. Tag everything you do together as a holiday ‘couples adventure’
“Look, it’s us on a #HolidayWalk!” “Making Christmas cookies with my love!” “Couples Christmas workout!” Giving all your activities a holiday tag is uber dull and will eventually make everyone on your social feed wince. Is having your morning coffee together really a holiday milestone? Tame those tags.
5. Only post “we-fies” (the “we” version of “selfies”)
If you notice that every post has your partner in it, then you gotta step back and pretend that you have some boundaries. At least on social media.
6. Tell your single friends to “hang in there”
Nothing is more irritating than getting love advice from someone who started a relationship five weeks ago. I’ll take advice from my 87-year old grandma, thank you very much. Talk to us in ten years and we will be happy to listen.
7. Call your pets your “kids” and then give them a matching sweater
Don’t force your pets to be your mini-me’s. They aren’t really your children.
8. Flaunt your romantic holiday gifting on social media
Gift giving should be about your relationship, not about humble bragging about each little thing. Unless that gift was an engagement ring, we don’t really want to read all about.
We’re happy for you, really we are. We want you to be happy and full of holiday cheer. But dial back on the goo and we can dial back the jelly. If this is just seasonal cuffing, you’re gonna want your buds back on your team come March. And if this person is the real deal, there will be plenty of time for us to celebrate your togetherness down the road.