Men who don't blame post-breakup are better off than those who do: UBC study
Men who take accountability rather than placing blame on their partner after a breakup tend to be better off than those who do, according to findings from UBC.
Dr. John Oliffe, UBC men’s health researcher and Canada Research Chair professor, shared his recent analysis, “Men, relationships and partner-initiated break-ups: A narrative analysis.”
There are healthy ways for men to recover after a partner-initiated breakup, Dr. Oliffe told UBC News.
For his analysis, he took themes from interviews with 25 men who had been dumped to understand how they situated their experiences.
There were three types of stories these men told:
- Ten men “portrayed themselves as lacking power in the relationship and its ending”
- Ten men “portrayed themselves as active agents in the relationship conflict”
- Five men “did not assign blame but instead owned their emotions and behaviours”
The smallest group “did the necessary self-work to understand and learn from the pain of the breakup,” said Dr. Oliffe, leading to greater self-awareness and better mental health.
All three groups had just as painful experiences, but this group of five differed because they avoided blaming their ex-partners.
“Instead, they held themselves accountable for their own behaviours and emotions,” said Dr. Oliffe. “And they felt the better for it, and more equipped to deal with the breakup and future relationships.”
Rather than being a victim of circumstance or feeling ill-equipped in a relationship, Dr. Oliffe’s findings advise moving toward accountability and growth using tailored interventions, like narrative therapy, to “help men explore and potentially change their stories to aid recovery, and make improvements for current (and past) relationships.”