Toronto's top spots to be high Victoria Day long weekend

May 18 2018, 4:48 am

Written for Daily Hive by Emma Spears

Planning to make it a green Victoria Day? Grow has suggestions for some things to do after a long-weekend smoke session, right here in Toronto.

So Fresh and So Green

The ravine system runs through so much of Toronto it’s hard to avoid, so you might as well succumb to its siren call and spend the day getting some nature in your system. Make a pilgrimage to Lung Cancer Park – an actual, totally-not-made-up park in the Don Valley. Roast marshmallows at one of the many fire pits scattered throughout or bask in a wide variety of isolated green spaces that allow you to comfortably do what you please, whatever that may be. It is important to note that there aren’t many places to hit up for sustenance in the ravines, so bring snacks. Lots of snacks.

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Do something controversial

Take a mellow walk in Mount Pleasant Cemetery, currently the subject of a heated debate as to who owns the property (the dead, clearly), and as to whether or not the locals are inhaling secondhand corpse-smoke from the onsite crematorium.

Maybe start raising chickens in your backyard, cause that is legal now in many wards and a sweet passive-aggressive move to have in your pocket if you’re not fond of your neighbours. Go forth and do questionable stuff. The world is your strange oyster!

Naked Lunch

Catch the ferry to the Toronto Islands and head over to the clothing-optional beach at Hanlan’s Point for a sunny picnic. Let it all hang out, or keep it all covered up and just enjoy the fact that it’s consistently the least-populated beach on the Islands. If you get bored, you can always head over to the Centre Island amusement park, take a ride on a child-size roller coaster, and pretend you’re a giant. Just remember to put your pants back on first.

Black Creek Pioneer Village

More like Black Creek Pioneer Thrillage! The former elementary school field trip go-to now features beer tastings, axe throwing, and haunted walks, as well as the opportunity to hang out with cute farm animals and soak up some history. Find out what tinsmithing is! Drink alcohol for educational purposes! Play with a baby goat without having to do yoga or be around people who enjoy yoga!

Bonus: It’s subway-accessible.

Pay Homage to Her Royal Highness

It’s her day, after all. Fun fact: Queen Victoria was said to regularly consume a strong cannabis tea to deal with menstrual cramps. Same, girl!

Potential royal qualities to emulate sans expending too much royal energy: insist on wearing all black everything, and/or many layers of complicated undergarments, socially isolate yourself for the weekend (which will be more fun for you than it was for HRH since we have Netflix and trans fats now), wear jewellery made of hair, get shot at, and then milk it for months. Peasant’s choice!

You can also just do some Victorian-inspired stuff like enjoying some greenery at Edward’s Gardens or putting up some arsenic-green wallpaper that will slowly poison you, but makes for a sweet accent wall.

If nothing appeals, or the weather sucks, then draw the blinds, cocoon yourself in blankets, and watch cartoons until you don’t know what day it is.

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