Canada cuts more than two million trees annually to meet toilet paper demand

A study has revealed that Canada cuts millions of trees yearly to *checks notes* wipe butts.

The average Canadian uses 630 km of toilet paper in their lifetime, putting the country in 11th place regarding global TP usage.

When nature calls, you answer — but at what cost? UK-based bathroom fittings company QS Supplies studied exactly that and revealed that, on average, 2,088,399 trees get chopped and turned into toilet paper for Canadians.

“Logging for toilet paper impacts over a million acres per year of precious Canadian boreal forest alone, releasing upwards of 26 million metric tons of CO2 and leaving 90% of the disturbed land barren,” the report reads.

The company used population stats, life expectancy, and average toilet roll usage data for countries where toilet paper is the norm to calculate how much of the stuff locals use to keep their tushies clean.

The study also confirmed what millions of Arab, Asian, Hispanic, and African parents have said for centuries — paper doesn’t get you as clean as water.

“Feces transmits diseases including cholera, hepatitis, E. coli, and maybe even coronavirus,” the study further notes. Areas in southern Europe, Africa, and Southeast Asia all use water instead to stay squeaky clean.

TP can also induce urinary tract infections and irritate your bum, causing something doctors call “polished anus syndrome.” We could tell you what it is, but look it up yourself, please — we’re too scared to.

QS Supplies also illustrated “how far this paper trail would float into space” and “how many trees the most eager wipers are flushing away each year” in several countries.

QS Supplies

The US stands tall at a whopping 1,020 km of toilet paper used per person in a lifetime, but Portugal has it beat with an average of 1,035 km. We’re not so bad when you think about that.

But maybe the next time you drop a deuce, remember that the nostril-annihilating stench isn’t the only environmental hazard it’s causing. You know, for personal accountability.

Editor’s note: Install a bidet; it’s like $40.