The 9 best ways to show up for new moms even if you don’t have kids

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Written for Daily Hive by Emma Devin, who is a full-spectrum doula and co-founder of Brood, a next-generation health and education company that provides family care and education in homes and online.

Every year, there are 17,000 babies born in the Lower Mainland — enough to fill Rogers Arena. If you are reading this, it’s almost certain you know someone expecting a new baby. Perhaps you work with them, are friends with them, live next door to them or you might even BE that new parent.

I’m a doula — a specialized care worker who supports pregnant people and new parents through education, advocacy, and hands-on support. In my decade practicing, I’ve been a part of 500 births in homes and hospitals across Vancouver. After supporting labour and birth, doulas help new babies and parents settle into their homes with newborn care routines, light housekeeping, nursing and sleep support. These first critical weeks of care are where I’ve witnessed families thrive and seen some heartbreaking challenges.

Welcoming a new baby is transformational, thrilling, and joyful – especially with help from the community.

Whether you’re a seasoned parent or caregiver, or kid-free, it’s more important than ever to reach out and help a new mom. What families need today looks very different than it has previously, making it a more crucial time for connection and can be easier to offer help.

Here are nine ways to show up for a new parent.

Ensure you are physically well, and ask for any safety protocols the new family may have

Share openly any recent exposures and symptoms.
Wash your hands on arrival — and if you hold the baby, hold back those kisses!

Make direct offers of support and be as mindful as you can with your conversation topics

Avoid blanket statements like “What can I do to help?” as it can be deeply overwhelming to answer such broad questions.
Focus more on questions like “What’s your favourite thing about your baby so far?” or “What are you finding most challenging right now?”

Reach out regularly — either through a text, a phone call, or a DM.

You may be the one who consistently makes the first move, so do your best to be patient and understanding. They may not respond immediately or for days — know it most likely isn’t about you!

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Take stock when visiting — do your best to take the emotional, logistical, and physical labour off their plates!

Are their sheets dirty?
Does clean laundry need folding and putting away?
Do dishes need washing and does the dishwasher need to be emptied?
Can you prepare a snack or refill a water bottle?
Do the recycling, garbage, and compost need putting out?
Is there any pet needs you can help with? Walking dogs, feeding the cat, cleaning the litter.

**Bring a meal, treat, flowers, or anything you think may spark joy in their day (hint, hint, avoid casseroles, they’ve had enough of those!)**

You can also ask if there are any essentials or pantry items that need restocking!

Consistency is key, as Adele says!

Visit and check in often
Short, consistent bursts are key in those early days. Be as efficient as you can in 30 minutes, and try to come a few times a week, if you can
When the family unit is in a rhythm, be sure to ask how you can support it in a long-term way. Can you schedule date night support? Set up a standing walk or play date?

Think about what you enjoy doing for others

Support with small errands goes a long way. You could offer to book appointments, make a peaceful playlist or clean up the kitchen.

Don’t have kids? Your love and support are just as important as they were before

Having friends who can share juicy, kid-free stories and experiences is deeply valuable! You can help your friends to stay connected to their identity outside of parenthood.

Do some research! Take on the education load so that you can help them navigate the questions and uncharted waters

Have a peek at a new parent guidebook for heaps of information and postpartum knowledge.
Ask other parents in your community for guidance on how you can show up for these new parents, on where they are now.

Know that having your own set of emotions and experiences as your watch friends and loved ones welcome a baby is expected and normal! Take care of yourself as you might need to by stepping away, talking with others about what is coming up, and reaching out to your mental health support team.

This care is critical and hopeful, it helps families access the support they need. With a culture of isolation, overwork, and anxiety — being a part of a new family’s community is joyful and fulfilling. You’re going to make new friends supporting someone else, building your own support system in the process. We all need community more than ever.

How are you showing up for new parents and families in your life — or receiving care?