Child-free by choice: Why so many Canadians aren't having kids
From a young age, Dominique Baker knew she wasn’t having kids. She did not want to become a mother.
“I never really had that maternal instinct,” the 45-year-old Ottawa-based content creator told Daily Hive.
“A lot of my girlfriends would talk incessantly about how, once they graduated from school, they just wanted to settle down, get married, and have kids,” she said. “And that never resonated with me.”
View this post on Instagram
Baker said when she finally decided not to have kids in her late twenties, she could “breathe easy and feel comfortable about wanting to travel the world or go back to school to [get] a degree that could actually fulfill [her].”
The choice to be child-free has provided her freedom to pursue her passions in life, and she’s gained a large following on social media for being open about her decision on the subject.
@dominiquebakerofficial When the 5th grade cements the fact that you want to be childfree. 🤣 @faganchelsea – thanks for jogging my memory!!! #childfree #childfreebychoice #motherhood #parenthood ♬ original sound – dominique.baker
“I just think it’s made my life easier. I’m very comfortable with that decision,” she said.
Baker isn’t alone in her choice to opt out of being a parent. In fact, it’s becoming a growing trend in Canada.
Dominique Baker is a Ontario-based content creator who is open on social media about her choice not to have children. (@saltnstreets/Instagram)
A February 2023 report from Statistics Canada highlights that in 2022, more than a third of Canadians aged 15 to 49 did not intend to have children.
Overall, the national statistics agency noted that for over a decade, the number of children per woman in Canada has been on a general downward trend, falling from 1.69 in 2009 to 1.43 in 2021.
So, what is the driving force behind Canadians deciding they don’t want kids?
“The world is not a nice place”
Toronto-based events professional Aiman Khan says that she has always been “very strong” in her choice not to have kids but acknowledges there are factors that have reaffirmed her decision, such as the current state of the world.
“I think millennials and Gen Z are already f*cked as we are,” the 32-year-old said. “To bring someone else into this world… it’s selfish at this point.”
Aiman Khan/Supplied
Khan pointed to the current Israel-Hamas war, which has resulted in a humanitarian crisis in Gaza.
She sees her friends who are parents watching the situation play out in real-time and are witnesses to its dire impact on children.
“I find it hard to work out or do anything in my normal life because of this, and it’s happening on the other side of the world,” she said. “I see my friends who are parents lose it even more.”
Khan explained that if she were a parent at this time, with multiple ongoing global crises, she would feel hopeless about protecting her children.
“Honestly, the world’s not a nice place,” she said. “I’m not going to do that to somebody else. I didn’t choose to be born.”
Like Baker, Khan said she was always sure she didn’t want kids.
“I’ve been feeling this way my whole life,” she told Daily Hive. “I saw a lot of parents making mistakes, including mine, and I was like … ‘I don’t want to do this to someone else.'”
As she’s gotten older and spent time with friends and their children, the feeling that she’s “made the right choice” has settled in even more.
Khan is Pakistani and grew up in Dubai. She moved to Canada five years ago when she was 27.
Since then, she has experienced a lot of change in her life. She’s dated, gotten married, and, most recently, separated from her spouse.
Aiman Khan/Supplied
No matter the relationship, she has had to deal with the reaction to her sharing that she does not want children.
“Whenever I’ve dated cisgender men, I have revealed that I don’t want to have children at any point in my life and they better be okay with that. And they have shown signs of discomfort,” she said.
“But I don’t think men question it as much as women do because our lives are obviously way more impacted by [having kids].”
Khan has also faced questions about whether she will “truly be happy” without a child in her life, and as a result, she has thoughts on what being fulfilled really means.
“My hot take is that people who have children want to be fulfilled,” she said. “I’ve seen my friends go through labour, and … they highly do not recommend it.”
“I find it very interesting that people will say that [kids bring fulfillment] because I feel they’re projecting… because my life is fulfilled, and that is why I’m not having children.”
More lifestyle choices
For Baker, not having children has allowed her to take on new roles in life that make her feel whole.
She said she’s content with her decision because it’s “opened up a lot of opportunities” that she believes she may not have been able to take advantage of otherwise.
“It has made me a better person,” the content creator admitted.
“It has allowed me to get educated and cultured. I’m not entirely confident that I would have had the same experiences if I had, you know, two or three kids to take care of,” she said.
@dominiquebakerofficial Replying to @Ndidi Ndekwu #childfree #childfreebychoice #childfreegenx #boomer #nokidsforme ♬ original sound – dominique.baker
Baker is also used to the mixed reactions and judgement she receives for her choice. Because she’s so open on social media, she’s received thousands of comments that highlight how polarized people are on the subject of not having kids.
“I get a lot of comments, especially from men, like, ‘You’re going to die alone,’ ‘You better hurry up and have a baby before your husband leaves you for somebody who can bear him children,’ and ‘you hate children,'” she shared, adding that she tries to take the reactions with a grain of salt.
“I’ve been called every name in the book,” she admitted, highlighting the stigma people are faced with when they are vocal about their decision not to have kids.
Dominique Baker/Instagram
Baker also acknowledges her choice isn’t meant for everyone. She encourages others to take their time to think it through if they’re on the fence about having children.
“Just communicate your feelings. Surround yourself or seek out other women and men who have made the child-free decisions, sit them down, talk to them, get informed,” she said.
“This is really a decision you need to make for yourself.”
The financial toll of raising children
Susan A. McDaniel, adjunct professor of sociology at the University of Victoria, acknowledges that many factors lead to people deciding they don’t want kids. Still, the cost is a major one in this economic climate.
“We all know that costs are increasing dramatically for everything right now, particularly housing, but also food and every other thing we need for life. So that’s a big one,” she said.
According to a report published by Statistics Canada in October, Canadians pay an average of $360,000 to raise their child from birth to age 17. For parents planning on financially supporting their children through postsecondary education until age 22, that amount increases by 29%.
Another report published in September highlights how the current cost of living has an impact on Canada’s fertility rate.
Statistics Canada researchers studied the impact of socioeconomic obstacles on Canadians aged 15 to 29. In 2022, young Canadians accounted for 19% (7.3 million) of the country’s population.
The report noted that those in that age demographic have “faced disproportionate challenges to their quality of life compared with other age groups” and are “less satisfied and less hopeful about their future.”
Researchers highlighted that a higher percentage of young adults are choosing not to have children for financial reasons than their older counterparts, and this is contributing to Canada’s already declining fertility rate.
In 2022, over one-third (38%) of adults in this age group said they didn’t think they could afford to have kids in the next three years, and 32% said they didn’t think they would have access to housing to start a family.
A laborious and time-consuming investment
Time also plays a part when it comes to the cost of having kids, noted McDaniel: “Time relates to how many jobs are required, how much time is required to spend in the workforce to make a living wage. That connects with the cost of children.”
People are also waiting more to have kids, she added.
“In the 1960s, for example, couples got married and had children when they were 22. Now, it’s more — it’s pushing 30 for many on average,” McDaniel explained.
“That means that the longer you push the life course forward, the less likely it is that you’ll have two children because when you start trying to have children at 30, the chances that you might have more than one are smaller. So that’s an important factor.”
She added that there are issues, like more significant concerns about the future, with growing climate change and environmental worries.
There’s also been a shift in societal norms that have empowered many women to choose not to be mothers.
“[Women] see themselves having multiple roles, some of which are necessary for preserving a family income, and some are changes in values,” said McDaniel.
“They no longer see themselves primarily as mothers.”
Follow Channels and Categories