Opinion: Why is dating in Vancouver so hard?

Jul 13 2017, 5:47 pm

To anyone out there who hasn’t already figured it out, dating in Vancouver is the absolute worst.

We’ve morphed dating into a game, swipe right enough times, and you’re bound to win a few matches right? Sure the gamification of dating can be fun and swiping can feel oddly productive but if you’re looking for a relationship dating is a tough grind.

Here’s why…

It boils down to a numbers game

Boy using phone/Pexels

Van City is saturated with singles, and despite overwhelming availability it’s difficult to find a good match.

We start filtering people by distance, assuming that soul mates live within a 10 km radius of ourselves. We get picky and turn down potentials we would have been attracted to in person, and then we start scrutinizing staged photos and re-reading 300-word bios that are bound to leave out more than a few pieces of key information.

But hey the numbers mentality still applies right? Eventually, you’ll either find someone or run out of people to swipe through.

No one actually uses the word ‘date’

Image: Couple drinking coffee / Shutterstock

Once / if (delete as appropriate) you’re lucky enough to find a match, then you have to overcome the dreaded first date.

And that’s if you even get asked to go out on a date in the first date.

Instead us girls get asked to “hang out” as if it’s clear what that’s supposed to mean.

Are you going out for dinner or chilling at his buddies sipping beer? Are you potential friends, or potentially more than friends? Do they just want you to hook up?

No one knows, and there begins the overthinking game where you find yourself over or under hyping the whole experience.

If you’re lucky you may get asked to hang out again, ooohhh boy hang out sesh number two!

There are too many rules

Young man and woman (paultarasenko/Shutterstock)

Young man and woman (paultarasenko/Shutterstock)

People are so afraid of seeming needy, or standoffish, or too serious, that they end up performing an incredibly awkward tango of overly thought out actions and reactions.

After the first date, you don’t want to text him first and he doesn’t want to text you too soon. It’s a slippery slope of uncertainty, that inevitably leads to an agonizing waiting game where no-one texts each other, even though they may want to, for fear of (god forbid) actually looking like they’re interested in the other person.

Then there’s the age old discussion of exclusivity. When can you bring that up, and is it really wrong to want that after just a few dates?

Can’t we just simplify the whole experience? Boy meets girl. Boy and girl like each other. Boy and girl start dating.

We plan our profiles out to maximize hotness and distort reality

Young blonde hipster woman, making selfie, showing tongue, funny face

(Ann Haritonenko/Shutterstock)

Let’s be honest for a moment. Overly edited or staged photos inevitably lead to disappointment.

It’s natural to want to put forward the best version of yourself, but people need to realize they’re setting the bar a wee bit too high.

Either your date ends up looking 10 years older than their photos, or their interests are nothing like how they advertised themselves, and that one Joffre Lakes photo they posted was the only time they stepped away from their Playstation in the past six months.

We’re not all Insta-famous models with uber-exciting lifestyles. So why can’t people just be themselves and cut out all the crap?

Most importantly, and this is a personal pet peeve of mine, if you don’t have a dog then don’t post pictures of you with puppies. Yes, pooches make you more appealing, but only until you’re forced to explain you just take pictures with other people’s pets.

The poly people of the world

Group watching sunset/Shutterstock

Is it just me or does it seem like half the people on Tinder and Bumble are looking for polyamorous relationships?

If that’s your thing go for it, but make it clear from the start to avoid awkward situations with those of us who are still looking for Mr and Mrs Right!

Sam SchonewilleSam Schonewille

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