The Ever Confusing Rough Copy of Demands for Vancity Buzz

Dec 19 2017, 5:12 am

In sum, we demand the creation of a just and sustainable internet.

If we remove too many demands from the final version we risk being taken seriously and actually standing for something. That is unacceptable. 

Twitter demands

  1. We demand that anyone with more than 100,000 followers share them with the rest of us since it’s very important that people know we’re currently watching the Jersey Shore
  2. We demand that any time you Tweet @ a cute girl she MUST follow you back, no questions asked
  3. We demand that Twitter disregard the 140 character limit and make it unlimited because as activists we don’t like to be limited…except when it comes to places we’ll eat, shop and check in from on FourSquare
  4. We demand that Justin Bieber be completely removed from Twitter. Sorry @Chinsquared.
  5. We demand that “Follow Friday” be forever replaced with “Free Friday” where the wealthiest 1% of Twitter users give the 99% $20 every week…or at least a RT of us telling them how much we love them!

Facebook demands

  1. We demand that Mark Zuckerberg admit that he stole the idea from those two freakish twins from the movie
  2. We demand a “Dislike” button so we can instantly dislike Facebook anytime they make the slightest change
  3. We demand that Facebook be FREE for all to us….oh wait? It is? Ok never mind this one
  4. We demand that Facebook remove ALL the personal information they have collected from us over the years we’ve used their free service and volunteered to provide them
  5. We demand that the chick from 9th grade English finally accept our friend request, c’mon Ashley… I didn’t stare THAT much

Random demands

  1. We demand that the CBC finally admit that Don Cherry is “completely off his rocker”
  2. We demand that the City of Vancouver admit that the Olympics were fake! All that excitement, city spirit, country pride and “fun” that swallowed the city for 2 weeks was just a figment of our imagination
  3. We demand that TransLink make transit completely free cause we’re sick of having to run from the SkyTrain cops every few stops
  4. We demand that Mayor Gregor Robertson install cameras inside his private residence so we can see what he’s doing 24 hours a day and complain about it later at the Cambie
  5. We demand you give us everything we want so we don’t have to actually go out and do it ourselves. We really WOULD but it’s raining, we just bought new chucks & the nearest Blenz Coffee is closed
Written by: @Mpah
Images: Ekoshyun
DH Vancouver StaffDH Vancouver Staff

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