Single in Vancouver: The Picnic Gone Wrong

Dec 19 2017, 9:12 am

Vancity Buzz understands your pain when it comes to dating, we’ve been on some great and some terrible dates ourselves. 

We’ve reached out and asked readers to send us their best and worst dating stories. We’ve received an abundance of dates gone wrong and we thank you for your submissions!

Again we ask, if you have a bad date to share please. Send an email to [email protected]
Today I thought I’d share one of my personal disasters.

We met on Plenty Of Fish (like so many of my worst dates). On a sunny day in June he asked if I wanted to meet at the beach for a picnic around 5 p.m.

I was already impressed – a picnic, it sounded lovely! So, as I applied my makeup and picked out an outfit, I genuinely assumed that this time it wouldn’t go terribly wrong.

When I arrived at the beach I went in for a friend hug and took a seat on the blanket. He had prepared an abundance of cheeses, grapes, apples even wine and chocolate. It wasn’t his first picnic.

We discussed online dating and, like most men do, he asked for advice. Normally men don’t do this on dates but I’ve come to terms with the fact that some of them consider a date with me a free therapy session – in which we discuss dating or lack thereof.

So, he was having issues online. They were either fat in person, not up for a second date or they didn’t even respond to his messages. Before I asked myself why I answered him, I remembered that his message went a little something like this:

Hi, my name is _____. I am contacting you to tell you I am a fan of your writing. I’ve read your pieces on Vancity Buzz and I like your outlook and attitude.

Oh yes, of course, I felt obligated to say yes to this date because he used my work to pick me up.

In all honestly he seemed like a nice person and that is why I said yes to the date. He really was a nice person, he was considerate and provided food, alcohol and average conversation.

He was so considerate that he invited me to participate in something most people would find rather strange on a Wednesday evening – or any evening for that matter.

He went into his bag and took out something wrapped in tinfoil. Placing the tinfoil wad the size of a golf ball down on the blanket, he asked “what do you think about THAT?”

“Well, I think it’s a ball of tinfoil,” I murmured to myself.

But how could I be so naive, so innocent and so out of the current how-to-wrap-up-shrooms loop. Before me, placed right next to our lovely picnic of rated g treats, was a large wad of hallucinogens.

“On a Wednesday…. you brought shrooms to a picnic date on a Wednesday?”

He already knew I was a sex and relationship writer so how could he not know this was quality article content: what not to do/bring on a first date.

Explaining that he brought them because he does them every night really didn’t help his cause. He ate them and talked about the water and the colours for a while – I did not participate but stayed and conversed.

As he rode off into the sunset on his bike (total hipster), I knew I would never again see him or his delicious picnic spread again.

 Image: Alexander Chaikin/Shutterstock

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