Sex in Vancity: Can men be “just friends” with attractive women

Dec 19 2017, 3:16 pm

Hi Chelsea,

I have a wonderful boyfriend. I am so happy in our relationship and I know that he loves me very much and is committed to making me happy. He lives a very social life and is surrounded by many beautiful girls that he considers to be his best friends. I have been trying very hard to be accepting of his other relationships but it goes without saying that sometimes I have my doubts. I am going to ask you the age old question: Can guys honestly, truly, be friends with beautiful girls without lusting to not be “in the friend-zone?” I don’t want to sound like the ugly green jealous monster, but I have a hard time accepting the dinner dates and sleepovers. Help!


Girlfriend concerned about girlfriends

Dear Concerned GF,

The age-old question is: Can men be friends with women without secretly wanting to get into their pants? You are not alone in the search to find answers. First of all, let me acknowledge your initial statement -that your boyfriend is “wonderful,” that you are “happy in [your] relationship” and that “he loves [you] very much.” These are all good things and it sounds like besides your underlying doubts regarding the attractive females invading his spare time, you two are happy. Which is why I can’t help but wonder why men in committed, seemingly happy, relationships feel the need to surround themselves with female friends?

Of course there is nothing wrong with having female friends. In fact it’s normal… to a certain extent that is. It’s normal to have previous friendships that continue on once you enter into a relationship, but all in moderation. You are his girlfriend – he should be spending the majority of his time with you and not other women, no wonder you are feeling doubtful- it’s strange behavior.

Usually I would say he should respect that you dislike his constant female hangouts, but I sense you haven’t broached this topic just yet (perhaps it’s about time). You don’t sound like a “green jealous monster” you sound like any female does in this exact situation.

I have an abundance of male friends who I spend time with, but then again, I am single. If I were to enter into a relationship, I would likely reduce the time spent with friends of the opposite sex because like I’ve said before, a single man who is friends with a woman likely wants to sleep with that woman – so I doubt any boyfriend of mine would be keen with my spending alone time with my “friends.”

Now here’s where I am going to have to be bluntly honest and where you are going to have to confront your man: Dinner dates and sleepovers are not normal “friend” activities. Had you not mentioned those major details I would have said – no need to worry- but sleepovers!? Where are you when these “sleepovers” are taking place??

Can he not incorporate you into these hang outs? No I don’t mean a threesome, but I think you deserve an invite to dinner and I think he should be leaving with you!

How would he take you spending time with male friends and then spending the night with them? I’m assuming he would not want his girlfriend in that scenario, so why is it ok for him to so nonchalantly act like the girlfriend whisperer.

You have every right to bring this up and if he even attempts to bring up the words “jealous” or “insecure” I just hope that you bring up a few words I can’t exactly say over the internet.

Hope that helps!


Your female relationship rights advocate

DH Vancouver StaffDH Vancouver Staff

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