When you meet someone who you think has the potential to be your boyfriend or girlfriend, the beginning of the entire process is usually overly exciting and nerve wracking. Ladies, you will most likely walk away with a couple free dinners, send mass texts to your closest girlfriends after each date and talk to them for hours about how he did this and that, and spend that extra half an hour in front of the mirror. Gentlemen, you will be lucky enough to be called out by your group of friends who repeatedly ask you about that chick you’ve been seeing for a couple of weeks, and you awkawardly mumble in response while sipping your Granville Island Lager, with a hidden smile on your face.
Being able to look that person in the eye, knowing that you want to get to know them on a deeper level, having an endless conversation about random things you have in common until 4:00 am, smiling so hard your face hurts, flirting with your eyes and purposely making body contact, joining in on a little competitive spirit, feeling an instant connection without any force, and hoping for the possibility of participating in the little bit of the “boom boom”, are some of the experiences that you may have after meeting that new person.
On the other hand, sometimes meeting a new person and developing a relationship isn’t as easy as it sounds. You hope that it will consist of running in slow motion through a garden of daisies, yet a lot of the time it’s awkward, uncomfortable, and inconsistent. This may because you’re trying to have a relationship with the wrong person, or you are so head over heels for the person that your tripping over your own words.
One of the inconsistencies and misinterpreted actions of a new relationship is trying to decide out who makes the first move.
Advice given in a lot of relationship self help books, such as “Why Men Love Bitches”, or “He’s Just Not That Into You”, TV shows like Sex in the City, or even from that token friend who thinks they know everything about anything, there are many misconceptions on who makes the first move. In most cases, it has been said that men are supposed to make the first move. Why?
Because, if girls were to make the first move, such as the “How was your day?” or “Do you want to hang out on Tuesday?” text message, or the “LIKE” of the Facebook status, according to relationship books, Carrie Bradshaw, or that token friend, the girl making the first move is like bringing the dead animal to the man, instead of him making the effort to go out and kill it himself. Apparently, men want what they can’t have. This may also make the girl seem needy and clingy, which is said to scare that poor boy away. When girls make the first move and the men don’t respond, most girls make up this elaborate story about how he is probably in a ditch in small town BC. Or his cell phone is dead. Or he’s at work. Or he is sleeping. Or he’s just “online” on Facebook chat, but not at his computer because he is too busy saving the world.
All of that, is probably true.
If men make the first move, they are usually interested. They think about the next time they are going to see the girl, and wanting more after the first date. If they don’t make the first move, they have either forgot because a new game of Skyrim has come out, or they aren’t interested, at all. Men think A-B, while women think A-B and all of the crap in the middle.
All of that, again, is probably true.
Yet all of the mindless worrying, story telling, and game playing from both parties could easily be solved, by just being honest about how you feel about that other person. If you’re not into her, tell her. Close the deal. If you’re not into him, tell him. Try not to fake what isn’t real. You may come across a stage seven crazy person and/or stalker, or you may have broken the ice with a nice slap of honesty. Now you both can stop tripping over each other’s words, and experience all of the wonderfulness the beginning of a relationship has to offer, or…stop something that isn’t real.
All of that, once again, is probably true.
Who do you think should make the first move? Should it be based on honesty and communication? Or should we all continue to play the game, slowly rip our hair out, and constantly look over text messages hoping that another one should magically appear? Why are we trying so hard at the beginning of a relationship? Is that person the wrong person?
Side note: I should stop reading relationship self help books.