Premier Gordon Campbell Set to Make Huge Announcement Tonigt

Tonight our premier, the honourable Gordon Campbell has a huge announcement to make. It is so big that good ol’ Gordo demanded an uninterrupted 15 minutes at the top of the 6 o’clock news hour. What is this gargantuan announcement? Nobody seems to know, it is a state of the economy of sorts.

So the people at Vancity Buzz decided to enter the boardroom to speculate on what the announcement might be. Money J Skeets brought in a case of Pacific Pilsner(times are tough for Skeets, recession anyone?) to the meeting. I kindly escorted him out of the room, through a wad of cash at him and told him, “go get some Heinekens”. Egregious. Anyways, back to the matter at hand.

Here is just a few of the things that we think will be the “big announcement”:

1. The Liberals and NDP will join forces to form a super party known as the Liberal Democratic Party or LDP. Effectively eliminating the need to give that asshat Carole James any more face time with the local media. Man is she ever annoying.

2. Gordo will “axe the tax”. This is in reference to the Carbon Tax.

3. Gordo will eliminate PST all together and compensate the decline in revenues by reducing the funding for the homeless and mentally ill.

4. He will announce a joint bid for the 2020 Summer Olympics with our Cascadian brethren Seattle.

5. Reduce the income taxe rates and increase the basic personal amount.

6. He will resign for an unknown personal reason and our beloved Olympic mascot Quatchi will be the interim premier.

Well I like options 1, 4 and 5. Lets see what the almighty one has to say,he is after all sort of like Vancouver’s real mayor, sorry Sam.