Passionate Love: Is it all or nothing?

As I come to a close on my Healthy Relationship series, after having taken a microscope to the aspects and practices in a relationship that elevates it to a level that is good for our health, I’m left to answer – both to myself and to my readers – one big question.

The Big Question

The big question when it comes to love is of course, can we have the best of both worlds?

Passionate Love

When I’m talking worlds, I’m talking two distinctly different kinds of love: passion and purity.

Passionate love involves all kinds of out-of-this-world intensity, a deep connection and a fiery relationship as a whole. Passionate love is fantastic – it takes you to different places and makes you the happiest you’ve ever been. This love literally escalates your boring human, earthly life to something magical and heavenly. Passionate love gives you wings!

But passionate love often comes with another side that is just as dark as the flames are bright. Often feelings of intense jealousy, control and possessiveness develop and lend a helping hand to the final demise of the relationship. The most toxic relationship known to our kind must be passionate, unreciprocated love, where only one partner feels the fiery, passionate, ever-succumbing, obsessive, addictive love and are eventually left to burn in their unrequited fire for the rest of their lives.

We all want to feel passion, but is it worth the darkness? Is passion all or nothing?

Pure Love

There is also the very different, very opposite, pure kind of love. Pure love keeps your feet planted firmly on the ground. Pure love is real and realistic; it allows you to be yourself – or maybe a better version of yourself – while feeling comfortable and content. Pure love creates a happy partnership. But there’s a downside here, too.

Perhaps it’s a human flaw, or perhaps it’s all a matter of our perspective. Perhaps it’s curable or perhaps it’s malignant. But whatever it is, it’s real. Boredom is the flaw. This endless measurement of fulfillment and relentless search for excitement causes us to – at many times – fall bored of our partners when it’s just ‘not that exciting anymore.’

Can we have both?

Neither one of these types of love equals lifelong happiness. So the major question remains: can we have both?

Can we have both pure and passionate love in the right quantities to create a partner and a partnership that is both exciting and reliable, moving and stable, erratic and safe? Is it possible?

Although I’d be lying if I said I am certain, however I can confidently say that I DO BELIEVE it exists. It’s just a matter of finding the right partner and the right connection. It’s about creating a partnership that is not only healthy, but also versatile. A companion you can be romantic with, silly with, serious with, strong with, witty with, bitchy with – everything with.

And here’s a positive thought: perhaps without experiencing both the passionate love and the pure love in two distinct relationships, we can never understand what the perfect balance would become. Perhaps that’s why they say we all get ‘three great loves.’

The first two are test bunnies; the third is your keeper.