Vancouverite tracked how many friends she made in a year with surprising results

Having close friends is important to  Zetta H., who recently completed a unique project about building friendships in Vancouver.

“A friend is someone who wants to struggle through life together,” Zetta said. “Sometimes you need someone to call up at 11 pm to get ice cream and Church’s Chicken while crying about your feelings.

“Life’s hard, might as well make each other laugh.”

Zetta conducted a study tracking how she made friends in Vancouver throughout 2024 and shared the results on Reddit. The passion project began as she was doing something else that many locals can relate to — trying to find a job.

“I originally started tracking this data because I wanted to see the number of people I met while networking for a new job since everyone says networking is the best way to find one,” Zetta explained. “The project veered away from the job hunt aspect because Vancouver’s job market is atrocious and bleak and I gave up hope on finding a new job.

“Then I continued to track it because most days, I don’t want to socialize, but I know it’s good to meet people. With the graph, I at least got to say, ‘If I go, I can add it to the spreadsheet,’ which gave me motivation to go out.”

The 33-year-old woman attended dozens of events to meet new people ranging from Meetups, running groups, Muay Thai classes, potlucks, and even a philosophy club. She explained that she had varying success at connecting with strangers depending on the activity.

“Social meetups are a good way to meet a lot of people at once, but you really have to hit it off with someone for both of you to want to put in the effort to continue to see each other. With fitness classes, it tends to be a more slow burn because you see each other on a regular basis, but the friendship that develops tends to feel more organic and stable.

“I haven’t found one method particularly favourable over the other, though. If you have chemistry, you have chemistry, and it doesn’t matter how you met. I also figured I’d have the best chance at meeting like-minded people if I attended activities I wanted to do.”

Zetta updated her Excel spreadsheet with rough numbers after attending each event. By the end of 2024, she estimates she had the chance to meet nearly 2,000 people but only talked to a small percentage of them.

Her friendship study showed Zetta that out of the 305 people she talked to last year, she made 34 “friends,” people she added on social media or ones she only sees in group settings.

“If we added each other on Instagram, I would always put in effort to reach out at least once or twice, inviting them to an event or starting a conversation. If they didn’t seem interested in reciprocating the effort, I left them alone. I might invite them again later, but I tend not to focus on it. I prefer to keep things casual and let friendship bloom on its own.”

And out of the thousands of potential new relationships, how many people could Zetta describe as being close or “Friends I talk with regularly”?

Two.

“My biggest takeaway is that everybody is lonely, but no one wants to admit it,” said Zetta. “The biggest surprise to me was the number of people I met — almost 2,000. There must be more people I would have seriously clicked with in there.

“All this socializing is a purposeful, conscious effort to go outside of my comfort zone for the sake of becoming a better, happier person. Our connections in life are what makes life meaningful, so I’m trying to reach out and do my best.”

Several Reddit users commiserated with Zetta’s difficulties in making close friendships.

“I admire you,” said one person. “I made only two attempts last year, got ghosted both times. It feels less painful not to try. I wish I was able to shrug off failure better. But not enough to work at it.”

“This tracks. It is hard because not everyone has the longevity when it comes to follow through. It’s what I have issues with the most,” added another.

Zetta encourages others to be open-minded when it comes to opportunities to meet new people.

“Definitely the most fun and strangest way I met people was at a spontaneous elopement. A couple posted on Reddit that they would be eloping and needed witnesses that day. There were three attendees including myself. We drank coolers and had a quiet ceremony at a park in North Van.”

She empathizes with others who share her difficulties forging connections with others in Vancouver, and she believes she knows the reason why. Zetta also has tips for those wanting to spark new friendships.

“I think making friends in Vancouver is hard because we all have so much on our plates. Between work, deciding what to eat every day, exercising, running errands, meeting all of adult life’s other demands, and maintaining existing relationships, it doesn’t always feel like people have the energy or time to make new friends.

“Making friends would be easier if we were more direct, like saying, ‘Hey, I think you’re cool and I want to hang out again.’ But that requires a vulnerability many people don’t want to put out there. We also need to be more authentic. Might as well show the world who you are and see who sticks around. And, if we all had more time and money, that would be nice.”

And what about the two people that Zetta talk with regularly? What made them stand out as people who would make great friends?

“They bought me fried chicken.”

Do you find it easy or difficult to make friends in Vancouver? What do you think is causing people in Vancouver to feel lonely? Let us know in the comments or send us an email with your story.