The Long John Index is all the weather reporting Canada needs this winter (MAP)

Jan 24 2019, 2:07 pm

Most of Canada has been dealing with a winter cocktail of snow, ice, cold and wind in welcoming the season to the year 2019.

And the one question that’s been on every Canuck’s mind has finally been addressed: should I be wearing long johns today?

Every weekday, the satirical weather index website, The Long John Index Service of Canada, helps your average Canadian figure out a very important undergarment decision while using basic terms to describe the wintery weather.

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Enough of the “feels like” and “wind chill” terms – “snowapalooza” is all we really need to know.

For those unfamiliar with the long john (ahem, Vancouver), the garment is thermal long underwear most of Canada wear during the winter months.

Not that Canadians ever take themselves too seriously, but the website does come with a disclaimer:

“The Long John Index is a ‘not-scientific-whatsoever’ method of measuring when, and if, one should be wearing a pair of thermal long underwear, known more commonly in the Dominion of Canada as ‘Long Johns,’” reads the website. “It is used for entertainment and gambling purposes, and should not be confused with your preferred weather service.”

The Long John Index Service of Canada

Each daily map comes with chuckle-worthy commentary on each province along with the Long John Index scale, which runs from 1 to 5, 1 being the lowest, and 5 being the highest, and starts at the Freezing/Melting point of 0°C.

“The simplest way to understand the Long John Index, is as the temperature drops, the Long John Index goes up, and subsequently, the time you should be spending outside without wearing Long Johns decreases,” reads the description.

Humour with a slight dash of practicality – the perfect mix for our winters.

Next time you’re checking the weather, understand that “chance of flurries and someone losing a mitt” might just tell you exactly how it feels outside.

Here’s how the Long John Index Service of Canada described some of our most recent days of terrible winter weather, because sometimes all we can do is laugh at the famous “Canadian Winter.”

The Long John Index Service of Canada

The Long John Index Service of Canada

The Long John Index Service of Canada

 

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