As we grow and age, and as we begin to encounter challenges emotionally and physically with our partners, we often feel the romantic flame glowing dim. As a result, we become fearful of losing the healthy relationship we’ve worked so hard for to obtain.
Why is it that we almost always experience a lull in the romantic portion of our relationships, even if we can deem them a healthy one? Even if we work hard in communication, spending quality time with one another, and speaking our partner’s love language, why do we often fall into a monotonous routine?
The answer is simple: as humans, we seek routine, and wherever possible, we find it. But we quickly develop resentment towards these routines because they tend to make us feel trapped.
In the bedroom, routines develop all the time. In the morning each partner wakes up, gets ready and goes to work, where they will partake in their individual routines. In the evening, they return home, tired from their individual daily events. They eat dinner, watch their favorite TV episodes, and as they finally lay their head down to rest, they realize their day isn’t over: they are scheduled for “romantic time.”
This can become easily resented in itself: the fact that the romance only occurs at one particular time, in one particular place, after the partakers are already exhausted from prior schedules. A routine in the bedroom can cause a lull in the physicality of the relationship. And let’s face it: a healthy relationship requires a healthy level of physicality.
So do your best to schedule different times of day – or better yet – don’t schedule at all. Keep the spontaneity alive, regardless of how long you’ve been together. A seasoned relationship often requires more spontaneity in the bedroom, not less.
The Seven Year Itch
“The seven year itch” refers to a point in the relationship when the flame has died out, and each partner begins wishing to jump ship.
Although this itching sensation in a relationship has been associated with the seven year stage, I believe this syndrome can affect relationships of all ages, and at varying levels of severity. What’s most important to remember is that, the itch – and keeping the flame alive – are all relative to the other aspects of your partnership, and are key to maintaining a healthy relationship.
The Law of Relativity
It’s only logical. Any event, change, or tiniest of inputs in one aspect of your relationship has a direct effect on all of the other aspects, and your relationship as a whole.
What this means is that – if you’re looking to spark things up in the bedroom, for example – it may not be wise to focus only on that aspect of the relationship. Although sometimes the problems in the relationship can be blamed on the physical romance – or lack thereof – many times these problems have stemmed off of other issues, such as a lack of communication.
In many relationships – even healthy relationships – we tend to forget the importance of communication, or quality time, or speaking our partner’s love language. We tend to not realize how certain mistakes will affect our relationships, and how easily these mistakes can be solved.
What’s also satisfying to remember is that it’s a two way street: the level of physical romance in your relationship is relative to all other aspects of it. So enjoy the romance, and don’t be afraid to spice things up, just in time for Valentine’s Day.
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