DALLAS is making a comeback!

Grab onto your walker, because DALLAS is making a comeback!

I was too young to miss the first run of Dallas, but I am well aware of legend of “Who Shot JR?” story line. Not just because I wanted a pair of Who Shot J.R Jeans, but because it remains one of the most hotly anticipated and highly viewed story arcs in television history.

When I received the first seven episodes of Dallas for review, I was excited. The packaging of the DVDs is so beautiful and elaborate it almost necessitates its own unboxing video. Dallas “Reboot” is a continuation to the 80’s television series with the same name.  J.R. and Bobby’s sons, John Ross and Christopher are all grown up, and continue the fight their fathers once had over Southfork and the family empire, Ewing Oil.

Despite late grandma Ewing’s wishes, the drama, dysfunction, and rivalry played out by the first Dallas generation hasn’t skipped a beat. Eager and ambitious John Ross finds oil on Southfork that has multi-billion dollars’ worth of value, but Bobby refuses to let him drill, citing his mother’s last wishes to preserve the land and keep the family peace. Bobby intends to sell the land so the money can provide for his family after he’s gone. His drive intensifies as he finds out he has a rare stomach cancer.

John Ross, much like his father (JR), feels Southfork is his birthright and will stop at nothing. This includes, but is not limited to colluding with his father while also double crossing him! But can you really ever have a leg up on the legendary JR?

Christopher Ewing is working on a project to create sustainable energy from methane. He believes this project can bring the Ewing name back into the energy game again. With this success he’ll be able to prove himself a “real” Ewing; a fact John Ross never lets him forget. Did I mention they’re both in love with cook’s smart and beautiful daughter Elena (Fast & Furious Hottie Jordana Brewster)?

The dynamic characters are questionable, and the twisting storylines and soapy cliff hangers are as good as your average daytime soap, but lets be honest… this show is horrible.  I’m surprised Jordana Brewster couldn’t find anything better. It’s the cheesiest crap that had come off of a keyboard in a long time. I hope they fire the writing staff, and burn the remaining 3 episodes that weren’t included in my review.

I guess it has the Dallas name and the ratings will most likely be huge, but overall unless your a tween or in a retirement home, I can’t see how normal people would enjoy this.

Judge for yourself, Catch the premier Wednesday, June 13 at 9 p.m. ET, exclusively on Bravo!

Follow Felix on Twitter: @TheFelixKay