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Coming Out: "I'm queer and most importantly, I'm happy"

DH Vancouver Staff Jul 30, 2015 5:42 pm

Earlier this month, we invited Vancity Buzz readers who identify as LGBT to submit their own ‘coming out’ stories as a way of empowering and inspiring others who may be struggling with their own sexuality.

The fourth of our reader-submitted coming out stories during Vancouver Pride Week 2015 details Kate Duncan’s journey of realization and self-acceptance.


Kate Duncan

Age: 34
Occupation: Furniture Designer & Maker

I grew up in a pretty small town on Vancouver Island where I didn’t even know what lesbian was. Somehow as a kid, I figured out men could be gay, but I didn’t know women could be lesbians, so the whole idea didn’t even cross my mind.

I just grew up assuming I would one day meet my prince charming, fall in love and get married.

Looking back on it now I can see some pretty glaring telltale signs that would scream baby-dyke nowadays: the men’s attire, the short hair cut, woodshop class after woodshop class and a major crush on my best friend were just a few of the lesbian stereotypes I sported as a teenager.

But I didn’t know what a baby-dyke was. Quite frankly, I didn’t know a lot.

I moved to Vancouver when I was 18 to go to university. I quickly discovered that women could be with women. I even tested the concept – I kissed a girl, and I liked it, but I really believed I had a ‘choice’.

At the age of 23, I chose to marry a man I loved after I graduated from university. I got a job at a local high school teaching woodshop, and my husband and I bought a house and fixed it up.

I was growing up, but I wasn’t happy. I immersed myself in work and a master’s degree, I went on trips around the world and sang in a choir, but I still wasn’t happy.

I was doing everything I ever wanted but happiness was fleeting at best. And then, I met her.

Just after my 26th birthday, I met a woman who shook my snow globe so fierce the figurines were knocked loose. In the beginning she warned me. She said that if I fell down this proverbial rabbit hole I might not return as quite the same. I don’t know how she knew that. But I’m sure glad she did. I’m sure glad we did.

I did fall down the rabbit hole and as she predicted I did not return quite the same, thankfully. It was a bumpy fall outta that damn closet.

My coming out story isn’t at all graceful. I unintentionally hurt some people along the way and I will always be sorry for that. But I’m not sorry for who I am. I’m queer and most importantly, I’m happy.


Vancity Buzz is a proud media partner of the 2015 Vancouver Pride Festival


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DH Vancouver Staff
Daily Hive is the evolution of Vancity Buzz, established in Vancouver in 2008. In 2016, the publication rebranded and opened newsrooms in Calgary, Toronto, and Montreal. Send story tips to [email protected]

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