Canucks SixPack: Handing out Oscars from this 4-1 loss

Dec 19 2017, 8:25 pm

The guys on TSN 1040’s pregame show mentioned if Vancouver could win all five games against the Sharks in regulation (they face each other four more times in March), they’d be right back in a playoff spot.

The Canucks couldn’t make that dream last past the first game of the series.

For those who chose hockey over the Oscars, Vancouver sadly squandered a 1-0 lead after two periods, losing 4-1.

Meanwhile Chris Rock was making the channel switch worthwhile.

Of course I wouldn’t know – I never waivered once.

Who am I kidding? I waivered. I watched Rock’s monologue and I enjoyed it. Which is probably more than I can say for those who watched the Canucks.

But don’t leave. In honour of the Academy Awards, I’ve handed out Oscars for the game.

Any black nominees? Of course not.


1. Pizza of the Year

Sure, Chris Rock’s delivery of the open monologue was on point, but Sbisa is the delivery specialist.

Sbisa delivers a lot of pizzas, but he may have outdone himself on this one.

This gift to Joe Pavelski tied the game up at 1-1 in the third – it was step one of the comeback.


Sbisa’s victory speech:

Luckily the music came on to stop him from saying anything else.


2. Actor in a leading role

The main man for Vancouver in the Sharks game was Dan Hamhuis.

With him being the team’s biggest trade chip, his playing instead of being scratched caused as big an uproar as the lack of black nominees at the Oscars.

Okay, maybe not quite as big an uproar.

Still, it wasn’t the most popular move.

The unthinkable (yet highly predicted by pessimistic Canucks fans) nearly happened too, and it wasn’t even a player that nearly ended the Hamhuis-traded-for-five-first-rounders-and-three-prospects dream.


Should he have played?

I asked my followers for reasons he did.

Maybe, but I’m sure any team looking to trade for him would appreciate the Canucks saving his health for them.


3. Best Original Screenplay

Really, the Canucks have been a non-playoff contenders for a while now. Sure, they could’ve snuck in, had some fun games and generated some extra revenue, but to let that hold the roster rebuild back? That would be crazy.

Orrr it could’ve been a twist no one saw coming…

That’s how you win an award for Original Screenplay.

It does suck when some see the twist coming, though.

We’ll see on Monday.


4. Actress in a Supporting Role

After seeing Beth Barkowski supporting her son with everything she had a couple weeks ago, Derek Dorsett’s mom sat beside the glass for this one.

See if you can pick her out.


Is that really Dorsett’s mom? No idea.

If it is, it would explain the next award.


5. Actor in a Leading Role

Here’s Dorsett putting on a show for mom, acting like Alex Ovechkin.


Dorsett nearly scored the goal of the year for the Canucks here. This could’ve earned him a $8M six-year extension.


6. Best Directing

This is good stuff.

Not the rumours – they’re not the cool part.

What’s impressive is these two guys started off blogging about the Canucks around the same time five years ago, and they now have full-time jobs writing about hockey. They’re developing legit sources, and breaking actual news.

Wyatt’s in this group and there are others such as Cam Charron and Dmitri Filipovic who’ve stormed their way into hockey circles as well.

These are all guys who followed their passion, worked their asses off, and broke through in a tough, rapidly changing sports-journalism market.

Best directing goes to the people who saw potential and crazy work ethic in all these young hockey writers. We’ll be watching them break news and/or influencing teams’ decisions for years to come.

Note: Thanks to Ryan Biech who managed to create some of the gifs used in this post between diaper changes