There are plenty of reasons to hate the holidays – travel delays, bad weather, racist uncles, Chevy Chase on three different channels at the same time.
Besides, this time of year is only about buying things no one needs with money we don’t have. Just as Jesus wanted. But don’t worry, because it’s doesn’t have to be all Bing Crosby and four weeks of lying to children.
Here are 8 things you can do in Toronto to shake that holiday spirit…
Walk through High Park
High Park is great around the holidays without being great because of the holidays. Bundle up and bask in the serenity.
Festivus, of course, is the secular holiday that started in Seinfeld and now boasts a global following of anti-consumerist observers. Everything about it is excellent – an unadorned aluminum pole as its official decorative emblem, the ‘airing of grievances‘ during which you tell all your loved ones how they’ve disappointed you over the year, and “festivus miracles” to label easily explainable events. Festivus: truly a holiday for the rest of us.
Go to the movies
Wish you could just crawl into a dark hole to drown out the sounds of the season? Well, here’s your chance to do just that. Office Christmas Party, Bad Santa 2, and Hacksaw Ridge are the perfect antidote to all that family-friendly, non-violent, fake-like your coworkers jazz happening outside.
Gyms are usually dead around this time of the year for two reasons: people are dangerously over-eating, and the New Year’s Resolution crowd is waiting for January 1st until they allow themselves to get in shape. Take advantage of the extra real estate and extra opportunity to snap mirror selfies without judgement. Check out these 15 fit Torontonians and see where they hang out.
Even if you don’t want to participate in Christmas, most countries have something to cherish, worship, or mourn towards the end of the Western calendar year. Not China. The Chinese don’t celebrate a single holiday between October and February, so consider getting into an annual dim sum tradition for some culinary indulgence free of festive propaganda.
Fly somewhere warm
Some say it isn’t Christmas until it snows. Well, great, because if that’s true then all it takes is a few-hour flight south to void your holiday participation. If you stay long enough, maybe you could even get away with not buying presents.
Stay off Instagram
There are only so many window displays, present flat-lays, and tartan colourways one can handle before you want to pour a cauldron of mulled wine on your phone. Also a good idea because, honestly, mulled wine sucks. It just reeks of yuletide.
Go to a Leafs game
If you need to come down from this intense time of optimism and joy known as the holidays, dropping hundreds of dollars to watch the 25th-place Leafs should get you right back into that sombre sweet spot.