CBC's Terrific Women share 10 truly grotesque '70s inspired recipes (PHOTOS)

The CBC’s newest comedy, Terrific Women is straight out of 1974 and it centres around modern women who remarkably manage to “do it all,” all while attending key parties, discos, and cult gatherings… often surrounded by lavish spreads of truly grotesque looking food.

The series, starring Toronto natives Sara Hennessey as Linda Davis, and Stephanie Kaliner as Joy Johansen, debuts on July 11 in Canada on CBC Comedy and worldwide via CBCPuncline. All 9 episodes will drop at once and from the looks of the trailer, we’re in for something akin to the Trailer Park Boys-meets-Broad City-meets-Kitty Foreman.

We can only imagine the future product endorsements that could spawn from this series, Dick’s Vermouth anyone? But for now, the ladies have been so kind as to share their own personal recipe cards featuring a smorgasbord of rather unappetizing delights modelled a la ’70s-style glamour shots.

Broiled Scallops with Minced Clam-Cheese

I love anything served in a shell because afterwards it will conveniently double as an ashtray. That’s why this dish is perfect to serve on a hot date before getting flirty, dirty, and no-shirty. The whole situation really goes great with a fresh pack of Marlboro Lights.

– Linda

Casa Gelatine

This dish is what I would call a salad alternative. It has all the hallmarks of a classic salad, but encased in gelatine for easier handling and – let’s be honest – fun! I would serve this at a holiday dinner party, such as Thanksgiving. Because if you’re going to be carving up a turkey, why not get in there and cut yourself off a nice slice of salad as well?

– Joy

Lovers Lobster, Melange a Trois

The Holy Trinity… Lobster, mussels, & escargot. Some people call them snails but not me! This is a perfect dish to show how French I’m feeling. Just something I’ll whip up if a doctor or lawyer is coming over. And by that I mean a doctor AND a lawyer. It is, after all, a Malange a trois.

– Linda

Pimento Party Meatballs

These meatballs are a sure-fire crowdpleaser every time. I’ve served them to guests at many a festive gathering – they’re very versatile because you can change up the toothpicks to match your party’s theme. I’ve done luau, I’ve done sport game, and yep – I’ve even done moon landing with little American flag shaped toothpicks I hand-painted myself.

– Joy

Pineapple Swan on Deli Pond

This one is a labour of love. The prep takes a couple hours to get the pineapple hollowed out, and the meats rolled just so – but it’s worth it! Since swans are an aphrodisiac I believe, typically I reserve this dish for romantic gatherings such as key parties or acid tests (in my early 20s!) I’d pair it with an array of fancy crackers and cheeses (Ritz would be best, with an international cheese like Gruyere or Swiss).

– Joy

Lacquered Quails with Sugared Grapes and Kumquats

This is what I call a show-stopping sweet sensation. I’ll serve up these ol’ birds when I entertain folks who have a big sense of humour, ‘cuz those laquered quails legs are boastin’ for a roastin’! I mean look at them? Give me a break. And to neutralize all that sugar, enjoy with a White Russian. Extra milky.

– Linda

Creamy Stuffed Salad Peppers

Is it a dip? Is it a salad? Well, it’s certainly not a salad. But I wouldn’t call it a dip either. More of a spread to enjoy at a picnic on a sunny, summer’s day. Then when your friends or family have used up all of the cream component on some nice (sturdy) crackers, you can all dig in and share the bowl! This one’s great for an outdoor event because there’s no leave-behind mess – it all goes in your tummy!

– Joy

Shrimp Salad Tower

This one is almost too magnificent to eat. I usually make it as a centrepiece for very elegant dinner parties. Some guests will pick at it, but most are scared off by the hundreds of little beady eyes staring back at them–it’s not for the faint of heart. I would serve this alongside other fanciful under-the-sea dishes like clams casino and seafood mousse – dishes that ooze good taste and pure class.

– Joy

Steamed Manila Clams

Clams for sale! Clams for sale! Regal and refreshing clams! I’d say this is something I’d serve this if The Queen herself was dropping by. Because they’d pair perfectly with an old bottle of bubbly and The Royal Crown.

– Linda

Adam and Eve Tropical Cheese Tray

What I love about this one is the tray is doing all the heavy lifting while I work the room. I have a lot going on in my life and I don’t need finicky food prep holding me back! This is perfect for a gathering of like-minded busy-bodies who want to load up on saltines and point at a pineapple. That’s right, this dish goes great with good old fashioned conversation.

– Linda

Sure you might want to lose your lunch now, but just imagine what future generations will think about sushi doughnuts and charcoal ice cream?

See also

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