Create the coziest smoke sesh with this bedside guide

May 25 2018, 2:27 am

Written for Daily Hive by Emma Spears

Sweet dreams are made of weed! Who are we to disagreen?

Today we explore the best practices of smoking cannabis in the most comfortable (and flammable) place of all: bed.

Acquire a smoke detector

Feel secure throughout your smoke sesh by installing a smoke detector in your home and making sure the batteries are fresh.

Don’t install it directly above your bed, lest your cannabis clouds set it off and bait out your scene but definitely have one in the vicinity.

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Encase yourself in linens without self-immolating

Do cocoon yourself in quilts until you feel you have adequately insulated yourself from the harsh realities of your bleak existence.

Do not smoke hash in bed. It smoulders too long and is far more likely to set your beloved textile armour aflame.

It is nearly impossible to find and purchase flame-resistant bedding for some inconceivable reason. Until some hero manufactures a silky yet flame retardant sheet set, you can a) be careful, b) sleep with someone who is careful, or c) throw a rustic tarp over your duvet and front like it’s part of your sophisticated decor strategy. It might be the bed linen version of using a wine bottle as a candle holder, but it also might save you from your reckless self. Toss a faux-fur throw across the foot of the bed to further legitimize your brave style decision.

Say no to bed crumbs

You can throw caution to the wind and grind your bud over your quilt like a dexterous ape, or you get one of those breakfast-in-bed trays and enjoy civilized cannabis preparation sans bed crumbs. Worse are errant stems, which feel like a tiny elf stabbed a tiny elf-size shiv into your flesh, and f*ck up your sleep in a giant ogre-size way when you roll over one.

Get one of those mini vacuums for keyboards and keep in your nightstand in case of spills. Take back the night!

Horizontal consumption

Bed-vaping is a nice alternative to bed-smoking with regards to safety and mess, and is the clearly the simplest method for the consumption of bedly cannabis. It is also the ONLY safe method of consuming cannabis during the construction and/or tenancy of a blanket fort.

If you prefer to smoke where you sleep, a sturdy glass bong is a safer bet than anything rolled– partly because it’s harder to fall asleep holding one, and because spilling bong water all over yourself will wake you right the hell up if you doze off. It’s 2018 and you can get some really nice, serious-looking glass pieces that aren’t shaped like a weird mushroom and don’t inspire visitors to inquire as to whether you enjoy the music of Phish. Throw in a daisy or two and they can pass for quirky Swedish vases if your mom is visiting.

Prescriptions sleep aids and cannabis

If you take a prescription sleep medication at bedtime then you need to be aware of its potential interactions with cannabis. Chat with your local chill physician about mixing your Rx with ganj, seriously.

Adding a pinch of Indica to your single Imovane might be the difference between getting a solid night’s sleep and thinking you got a solid night’s sleep but actually purchasing a bunch of weird sh*t on the internet and eating one or several crudely-constructed sandwiches. There are peanut butter hand prints on the wall and you probably can’t afford that mink coat with solid gold buttons, dude. Mix with caution.

If trying a new combination, it’s a good idea to have a partner or exceptionally smart dog available to bark for help or cancel your credit card in case your sleep adventures get out of hand.

Happy horizontal highs, tout le monde!

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