A Grow guide to cleaning your house while stoned

Jul 18 2018, 1:55 am

Sometimes, you need to clean. It’s annoying, it sucks and it’s a fact of life (unless you’re super rich, in which case why are you on the internet when you could be cavorting on a yacht in the Maldives?).

For the rest of us plebs, it’s all about finding ways to make household hygiene tolerable. Here are a few tips on getting things done.

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The most important thing

The most important thing when it comes to cleaning on cannabis is that you actually get to the cleaning part. The secret: Clean for 10 to 15 minutes before you start to smoke, and then light up.

We are skipping the denial and anger phases of cleaning and going straight into bargaining – the result of which hopefully will allow us to avoid depression and get right on into accepting the fact that now everything is fucking spotless.

Don’t set yourself on fire

This is also pretty important. Cleaning products are often flammable and you need to be very careful if you’re smoking and spraying Windex sans reservation.

No little flame symbol on the side of the bottle? You still do not want to spray that around any kind of flame. Yes, even that natural shit that’s like $30 and made out of vinegar and cruelty-free organic whale piss. That stuff makes you smug, not incombustible.

Clearly, the smart choice here is to vape instead of smoking but be sure to note that if splashed with any cleaner you may damage your apparatus, and is both annoying and expensive.

A ventilated area is also a good call in these kinds of situations so feel free to treat yourself to an open door or window.

Choose your tasks wisely

Long, boring, repetitive actions like polishing a glass shower or scrubbing a bathtub become meditative and enjoyable after indulging in one’s choice of herbal refreshment.

If it’s something you can’t stand doing, it’s probably a good candidate for a stoned scrub. It’s more therapeutic than it sounds, and the end result is pretty sweet.

Play music

It makes things seem festive and less chore-like, and your houseplants like it (whatever kind of plants they may be).

Avoid, delay, procrastinate

Stoned cleaning is a great way to avoid any feelings or situations that you’d like to avoid for a few hours – and you will get so much done. Similarly, if there is another task you’re avoiding, a little blazed clean-up is a great way to procrastinate and still congratulate yourself on being super productive. Hey – you did something, right?

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Emma SpearsEmma Spears

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