It's so cold in Calgary that police have issued a warrant for winter's arrest

Feb 15 2019, 9:04 pm

The Calgary Police Serice has just issued an arrest warrant for the winter season.

According to a tweet from CPS Digital Communications Officer Mark Smith, winter has been charged with loitering and causing a disturbance, with all residents of Calgary falling victim to these heinous crimes.

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“This warrant is issued for the arrest of winter, herinafter called the accused,” reads a statement posted in the tweet.

“Whereas the accused has been charged with loitering and causing a disturbance; And whereas:* (a) there are reasonable grounds to believe that it is necessary in the public interest to issue this warrant for the arrest of the accused[507(4), 512(1)]; dated this 13th day of February 2019. Signed herein; Calgary.”

For the past two weeks, winter has allegedly been causing extreme cold, littering snow all around the city, and just being all around horrible to get along with.

In an unprecedented move from the Calgary Police Service, the arrest warrant was actually preluded and caused by a Twitter poll held by Constable Smith, wherein 312 voters supported charges against the snowy season.

Whether or not police will manage to get handcuffs on the abstract denomination of a portion of the year remains to be seen, though we expect this entire matter to be cleared up within, oh, 33 days (depending on the opinion of a groundhog, of course).