written by: Hipster Designer
Since many of us are nursing some pretty serious hangovers (holiday season gotta love it), I thought I’d compile a short list of cures and treatments from around the world, that may help us deal with the next few days of headaches, nausea, jitters, dehydration, loss of fine motor control and incontinence.
Disclaimer: I’m a designer, not a doctor, so try these at your own risk and don’t come crying to me if you end up projectile vomiting or falling into a coma during an important meeting or something.
Canada / USA: THE PRAIRIE OYSTER
Tomato juice, topped with a fresh raw egg and a dash of Worcestershire will replace the proteins and salts that were lost while you were trapped at Heineken House or undergoing an Irish style interrogation with Dr. Jameson. The P.O. will also help you puke your guts out and make room for some much needed water or your favorite electrolyte infused beverage.
Russia: STEAM BATH / SELF FLAGELLATION
My Muscovite friends swear that an hour in a raging hot sauna will help you sweat out not only the toxins from ten too many Jaggerbombs, but also any memories of that large new friend you woke up next to, this morning. To increase blood circulation and for that proper sense of mea culpa, beat yourself silly with a birch branch.
China: STRONG GREEN TEA
The Dragon in the Far East recommends a big old pot of green tea, double brewed. It’s cheap, easy on the belly, and won’t interfere with the fistfull of painkillers you have to get at the drugstore, too many blocks away, because you ran out the last time you got ripped on Cambie draft.
Germany: PICKLED HERRING
In between trips to Sears for cheap Levis, a lovely German fraulein told me that when she’s on the verge of tears from too many Belinis, a breakfast of fresh vinegary herring would replenish the precious nutrients she needs to keep snapping up the denim we seem to take for granted here.
On my last voyage to the land of giant robots, I had the misfortune of getting into a sake drinking contest with a couple of junior Yakuza. (so they told me) I awoke to find myself face down in one of those cool sleeping tubes, with a small plate of SALTY, SALTY pickled plums and one severed pinky finger. (not my own) Seriously though, a good Umeboshi will kick you in the pants long enough to get to the nearest soup stand for a cup of miso and about ten gallons of water. “Ginza Hai!!!”
So there you have it. Five cures for what ails you. But remember, just because you can shotgun a case of Pabst faster than that cute girl from Emily Carr, doesn’t mean you should. Drink Responsibly. You’ll stay out of jail or the morgue and make it out for another night of embarrassing yourself in front of your friends, family, your significant other, her friends, their parents, your parents and elite athletes.
If you know of any other cures feel free to share them with Vancouverites via the comments section.