University! The next stage in your young, vibrant life will be filled with young, vibrant people. Campus is filled with people just as in need of friends as you are, and all of them are weird in their own special way.
No matter which school you end up at, you’re sure to happen upon a few archetypes of the college experience.
The peppy one
Ultra stoked about the university experience. Can answer any and all questions you might have, as long as it’s not, “What’s wrong with this university?”
The student politician
Will prattle endlessly about “student engagement” and “building community.” Will somehow manage to waste thousands of dollars renaming a pizza place while accomplishing nothing in their campaign platform. Hates the student paper editor.
Never misses an opportunity to make a picket sign.
The student paper editor
Spends 95% of their time in a dark office scrolling through thousands of university documents and wonders why they don’t have a social life. Dreams of working for the Washington Post, but will most likely end up doing communications for the university. Hates the student politician.
The university’s frontman and personal cheerleader. Tasked with the yearly job of smiling through another tuition increase announcement.
Taking way too many classes for their major. Aiming to be out of here in three years. It kind of annoys you knowing that they’ll be rewarded for their hard work.
The one who’s been here too long
Has somehow attended university for seven years and is perpetually “almost done” his/her undergrad. Has the dirt on everyone.
Sees it as their personal job to dismantle the “oppressive matriarchy.” Has a devout following of three disgruntled Redditors.
Founder and president of the “Hempology 101 Club.” Doesn’t remember what it’s like to be out of academic probation.
The semester 1 friend
Your new BFF – until Christmas, when they drop off the face of the earth.
The dude from your high school
Crap, did he see you?
If they could take online courses from the campus gym, they would. Will make you feel terrible about your body without saying a word.
The frat bro
Suns out, guns out, even when it rains. You’re never sure why you feel uncomfortable around him, but you always do. Never stops telling you to “rush Beta.”
The sorority chick
Her enthusiasm is infectious and annoying at the same time. You’ll never admit it, but you know her Insta is better than yours.
The travel junkie
Took a gap year and won’t shut up about how much they “fell for Berlin.”
The homesick one
Can be found in their room sulking while a party is happening next door. Usually extremely fun if motivated/distracted enough to let loose for a night.
Lives in a rez but doesn’t know anyone on their floor.
The douche with the guitar
Screw it, you kinda like him.
Somehow attached at the hip with their significant other from thousands of miles away. Can’t come out tonight – they have a Skype date.
The weird roommate
Looks up when you walk in the room with a blank expression on their face. Always suspiciously sweaty and always smells just the tiniest bit “off.” You know they ate your KD. You just know it.