“Men don’t approach women here” is almost a mantra coming from Vancouver women, and it’s true. But the women here don’t approach either.
Wait, women approaching men? That’s some crazy gender role breaking concept, but why can’t a woman take the initiative?
Waiting for other people to take action when you want something is akin to sitting in a restaurant and not ordering, but still expecting food to arrive. It doesn’t work.
Although assertive men may take the initiative to chat up someone of interest, assertive women are just as capable. Instead of hoping a knight in shining armor may show up it just may be time for Vancouver women to dawn the armor themselves. So choose your horse, suit up and learn how to say hi to a handsome stranger.
Are you an assertive woman?
There are three main ‘weapons of communication’ to engage a complete stranger available to women interested in taking the bull by the horns.
This is a subtle approach which has many draw backs, but It’s great because it takes less confidence to execute for shy women. The main drawback is that you will still have to wait for the man to take the hint and actually walk over and say something. As many frustrated Vancouver women know, most men will take the timid route and duck for cover. On the positive side of things, if that man has the courage to walk over after contact has been initiated then you know you’ve found a confident dating applicant.
You will have to make the effort to connect with your eyes as you go about your day. Engage everybody with eye contact to make your self approachable. If you see someone of interest then hold eye contact, and if he holds it back flash your pearly whites. It’s up to him to move in at this point.
This is an excellent casual way to start a conversation with anyone for any reason. It’s main drawbacks are that it doesn’t get to the point quickly enough, and you could get into a 20 minute conversation only to find out he has a girlfriend. It also has the potential for an instant ‘Friend zone’ because the other party may think you’re just being conversational. Just like with the first option however, this is a good way to filter out unassertive men. Assertive men will take notice of your effort and handle the rest. This method will work at grocery stores, cafes, social gatherings, and even the street as long as you aren’t walking in opposite directions.
Learn to observe everything and everyone in your environment. With a quick scan (avoid a stalker stare) you should be able to see what he has with him and his attire. Pay attention to details. Make a comment on any article of interest or anything which stands out in your environment. Grocery stores are easy enough because the groceries themselves can become props in your flirty quest. Don’t worry about saying something cool, you just need to initiate contact by making a comment. Even the weather is fair game, “No way, it’s raining. I didn’t expect that in Vancouver.”
Here’s the most adrenaline charged approach of all. It’s something that rouses anxiety in most people because it get’s to the point quickly and presents the possibility of getting rejected flat out. The biggest advantage of this style of connecting is that there is almost no way to misinterpret you’re intentions. In a nutshell it’s basically saying, “I’m Sara and I like you.” You’re being upfront and will know quickly if there is a connection or any interest. It has the added benefit of fortifying your ability to handle rejection. It will also help you develop powerful assertiveness which can be applied to business, career, relationships, and negotiating your first property purchase. You will get more out of life when you ask for it.
You’ll have to make your way over to your potential date before you tell yourself why you shouldn’t. Get his attention with a simple ‘excuse me’, then tell him why you’re there. It could be his sharp style, confident presence, hipster swag, or great smile. You decide, but don’t say something more timid at the end and avoid telling him what you really like.
In the end it’s often the person who makes the effort who get’s the prize. People who seemingly have all of the advantages can be left in the dust by those who are more assertive and express what they want without making apologies.
A woman who is willing to be bold has the option to make the first move instead of waiting for a man to read her mind. Take charge and get what you want.
Confident woman image via Shutterstock