A few weeks ago, we invited Vancity Buzz readers who identify as LGBT to submit their own ‘coming out’ stories as a way of empowering and inspiring others who may be struggling with their own sexuality.
The ninth submission of our reader-submitted coming out stories during Vancouver Pride Week 2014 is anonymous.
I remember reading last year’s coming out stories and feeling inspired by all of them. At the time, I was coming out to my close friends and family. Looking back, I don’t really know what I was afraid of. I think a lot of it had to do with insecurities I had picked up from previous relationships and experiences.
It took me years to finally acknowledge that I am gay. As I look back on my teenage and early adult years, I can recognize the signs and clues that were there, I was just too afraid to admit it for myself.
I was always close with my girlfriends and when I think back, I realize that I probably had infatuations with a number of them but of course, I pushed those feelings to the back of my mind. I was constantly being told that if I were a guy, I’d be perfect for them. I would always push those feelings away because it wasn’t in my life plan but those feelings didn’t go away.
After years of experimenting with my ‘straight’ best friend, I realized that I wasn’t being true to myself. I wanted so much more than to be someone’s dirty secret. She was embarrassed and refused to talk about or acknowledge her feelings and mine. I asked her for more but she couldn’t. There was a very messy, painful falling out after she cheated on me with my brother’s best friend. It was probably the lowest point in my life.
My outlook on dating was pretty bleak and I was going through a lot of self-loathing alone. A new friend entered my life around this time. We instantly clicked. I told her everything that went on with my ex-friend and she helped me see that I was worth so much more than that. She picked me up and dusted me off. And some how, by fluke, by chance, who knows? We fell for each other and have been together ever since.
When we came out to our families and close friends they were supportive and actually had suspicions regarding our relationship before we were even ready to tell anyone. Long time friends told me that they knew I was gay years ago and were just waiting for me to figure it out myself.
My sister-in-law even joyfully yelled out “YOU DON’T KNOW HOW LONG I’VE BEEN WISHING FOR THIS!” after we told her. It’s an amazing feeling having such a supportive group of people in my life and I sometimes give my head a shake when I think about all the anxiety and angst I had lived with for years.
– anonymous female
Featured Image: gay flags Vancouver via Shutterstock